When I first moved in with my parents in my late 20s, I did not expect the arrangement to carry me into my mid-30s. I stayed because, although it was different from what anyone in my social circle was doing, I was surprised by how much we all enjoyed it. In this house of three adults who cared deeply about one another’s well-being, my life was better than it had been in a while.
The best part, for me, was the interdependence — coming off of two years living by myself, even being able to say, “Could you make me a sandwich, too?” or “No problem, I’ll get your headache meds from upstairs!” felt refreshing. I also appreciated the opportunity for unscheduled quality time and the sense that I was never completely alone.
I felt like I’d uncovered a secret, and I wondered what other iterations of housing and community I’d been missing out on. I decided to edit an anthology on the subject, which became Living, Together: Reimagining Community in the Age of Disconnection. When my parents wanted to retire and downsize after six years of, well, living together, and I had to look for my own place again, I kept everything I learned from the book’s stories in mind.
Moving out of my parents’ house, I imagined I’d settle in a more walkable neighborhood than the one they chose. When a townhouse opened up across the parking lot from theirs, I was reluctant to look at it. Surely I couldn’t go from living with my parents in my 30s to living mere steps away. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the prospect of continuing the casual hangs, resource sharing, and emotional support that have enriched our lives.
It’s been almost a year since we became neighbors, and I think it was a great move.
We have more privacy and flexibility than when we lived together
When I lived with my parents, it was sometimes difficult for them because I needed quiet while working. Now, I can have that at my house, and my parents don’t have to worry about the volume of their TV shows or phone calls.
We also don’t typically stop by one another’s houses constantly and unannounced, even though we live so close and have each other’s house keys.
I avoid the single-person grocery curse, and they save money by sharing, too
The bane of my existence as a single person living alone is food that rots in the fridge. Lunch meat, melon, fresh mozzarella — I somehow can never eat it all.
This is the first time I’ve lived alone and been able to share groceries because my parents live so close by. It ensures food and money don’t go to waste for either of our households.
They help me care for my cats
My 2-year-old cat spends half the day at my parents’ house playing with their cats. They all have a blast, my senior cat gets much-needed rest, and I can focus on work without kitten energy around. One of my friends asked if she could drop off her energetic cat and 1-year-old son at the Rosen Family Day Care!
My senior cat has also developed chronic health conditions that make me uneasy leaving her alone for long. When I know I have to be out for more than a few hours, one of my parents checks in on her. I’m not sure what I’d do without that option, and I know they enjoy being able to visit her frequently.
My parents have been a big help during a busy year
My parents’ proximity has made a world of difference, practically and emotionally, in a year where I’ve had tons of extra work related to my book’s publication. At least one night a week, my mom arrives with leftover ziti or salad; she understands I have a lot going on, and these efforts make me feel cared for.
While I’ve had to decline more plans than I’d have liked to this year, I’ve been able to maintain the routine of having dinner and watching TV with my dad almost every Tuesday night. Even when we’re tired or we start late, we make it happen because it’s a 30-second walk!
Similarly, when I only have a short time to socialize, I can pop over to my parents’ house for dinner (and to trim their squirmy cats’ nails or weigh in on a technology mishap). When free time is too tight to see friends, my parents being so close has ensured my mental and emotional health haven’t suffered.
For however long it lasts, I’m glad I’m here
I learned from working on my book that the key to reaping the benefits of communal living is flexibility. I’m aware that this is a season of my life, and I’m open to whatever living scenarios the future may hold.
Sometimes I wish I lived in an area that’s within walking distance to coffee shops, libraries, artistic experiences, and friends. But I made this decision to live so close to my parents based on what I felt I needed at the time. It’s been helpful, meaningful, and fun — and that was during a tough, busy year.
I’m looking forward to what the future of being neighbors with my parents will bring.
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