Time is a thief. When each of my four children was born, I thought they would be little forever. The baby and toddler years are so all-consuming that it seems like they will never end. But I learned, quickly, that the axiom that the days are long but the years are short is all too true. By the time this reality sank in, however, it was too late to go back and change the way I approached their childhood.
I can physically feel the heartache when I dropped my oldest daughter, now nearly 20, off for her first day of elementary school. That first day was followed by three similar first days, spread out over nearly a decade, as her three younger siblings took their first steps into elementary school.
Each time, I hid my tears behind oversize sunglasses and tried to stifle my sobs, knowing I would enjoy newfound free time but still aching to have my children by my side. Those first days of school for my older children were followed, too quickly, by elementary school graduations and more changes and challenges.
Now, after 16 years of having a child in elementary school, my youngest child is about to graduate to middle school, too. It’s a milestone for him, but also for me, and marks the end of a very long era as a mom to little kids, one I loved and will miss dearly. Still, if I could go back and change a few things, I would.
I worried about doing everything the ‘right’ way
When my older kids were little, I thought every decision, every act, could have a significant impact on their lives. I pored over “expert” advice about the best way to parent. Worrying about every minute of screen time, every second of sleep, and every bite they ate was stressful and sucked some of the joy out of the early years of motherhood. Was I doing attachment parenting the right way? Did I have the right rules in place? Was I enforcing them the wrong way?
In hindsight, it didn’t really matter if my kids occasionally ate an extra scoop of ice cream or didn’t like certain vegetables as long as they were growing and developing well. Missing out on playdates in the alley or another round of UNO wasn’t worth their getting an additional 20 minutes of sleep as long as they were generally well rested. The sky didn’t fall if I let laundry pile up or went to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.
Now, as teens, my kids have much weightier problems to deal with. Dealing with shootings near their high schools, peer pressure to drink, getting through to them about the reality that social media postings never truly go away, and making decisions about their career paths puts the smaller issues I wrestled with as a young mother into stark perspective.
I wish I hadn’t waited to do so many things
In the thick of parenting young children, time becomes warped. I put off doing too many things I knew my children would love for another day, assuming that day would eventually come. Now, my kids are uninterested in some of the things I had on my bucket list for their younger selves.
For example, it never seemed like a good time to go on a Disney Cruise, something I had wanted to do for years. I thought it would be fun to travel to Finland to see Santa’s home. Now, even my youngest is too old to have some of the magical childhood experiences I once envisioned for him. I also kept waiting for a better time to get family portraits. While it’s not too late to book a photographer, my kids are now in a different season, and I missed a window to have photos of my children, still as children, taken while they were all still little.
I should have been more present
Raising young kids can be grueling, especially while trying to balance work and mothering, but I still wish I had put my phone down more and been present. Although I knew intellectually I should have been more mindful about limiting screentime, the reality of why didn’t really sink in until recently.
At the time, I loved sneaking in time to scroll and post photos to social media while my kids played at the playground or built with Duplos in the living room. Now, how they spend their time is different, and I will never get those moments back. Additionally, the day my kids would much rather play with friends than me came quickly. Although I am now more mindful of my own screentime when I am with my children, I missed out on many hours that would have been a lot of fun for my kids and me, simply being playful in a way that no longer exists.
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