On Christmas Eve, December 24, 2025, at 41 years old, I found myself in bed, lying to men about where I lived.
Well, sort of.
Earlier that night, while my teenage kids were getting ready for bed, I scrolled through TikTok, pausing on a video from a woman who manually changed her location on a dating app and found her husband in a city that wasn’t her own.
As I clicked through the comments, I found hundreds of people sharing their own city-switching experiences — one woman matched with a guy based in Amsterdam over a decade ago, booked a trip to meet him, and never looked back. Another said they found a partner in Scotland and now live there with him.
All of these stories gave me an idea: I would join Hinge as a journalistic dating project.
I’d change my location every three weeks to observe dating patterns in different cities and countries. After, I’d compile my findings and report back to other women who wanted to know what’s going on with modern dating.
In the “Don’t Judge Me” section of my Hinge profile, I recorded a voice note explaining my situation: “Before you match with me, you should know that I have changed my location to date outside of my country. I have always felt like home is elsewhere. My plan is to move abroad within three years.”
It was mostly the truth. I am a life-long traveler, former resident of India, and Sicilian-American, so it wouldn’t be unusual for me to date this way. However, I didn’t disclose my love project. That part I kept to myself.
Determined, I began swiping.
Going into this experiment, I didn’t expect I’d actually find love in another country
My first stop was London, where I experienced a lot of the same behavior on dating apps as I did in the US, with brief replies and conversations with too few questions asked.
So after three days, I changed my location to Paris.
Even though I didn’t speak French, men seemed genuinely interested in me and my quest to find love abroad. Many were polite, showing a level of etiquette, manners, and sophistication that seems mostly lost in the States.
I had three great conversations going with different men when one sent me a rose. “I am totally judging you, but in a good way,” he said in response to my voice note.
Over the next few days, we talked on the app about life in France, my dream of buying property in Sicily, and ’90s R&B. Soon, we moved to WhatsApp and shared photos — his adorable beagles, my burgeoning rosemary bush, what we were cooking, the weather outside our respective homes.
We shared late-night phone conversations and early morning texts.
After two weeks, he asked me if we could be exclusive and said he’d delete his dating apps. “It’s rare when you find someone who shares your same values and lifestyle, and so I’d like to focus on you,” he said.
I agreed to do the same and, a few days later, finally told him about my dating project — how I’d been talking to several men, screenshotting conversations, saving files, and taking notes for weeks.
“But I’ve decided I don’t want it to continue,” I confessed on our call. “My primary goal is to find love, and I feel like we have something here.”
I took a deep breath as he paused for a moment.
“I’m glad you told me, and I trust you,” he said.
While I let the grief over giving up this creative dream move through me, I also felt excited to embark on my other dream: a shot at real love.
After meeting in person, our connection has only gotten stronger
For the past seven months, we’ve talked every day through video notes, voice notes, and video calls. We have not missed a day of speaking to each other since we started messaging on Hinge.
In April, we met in person for the first time in New York City. Our ease with each other was instant. He held my hand while walking, sweeping me off to side street corners to kiss me.
I cried in his arms as I left him at the airport at the end of his trip.
One month later, we decided I should move to France so we could really build our relationship. This summer, I traveled to Paris to stay with him at his home for a week to see if I liked it. I loved it.
Although all of this is romantic, there are very real challenges I still need to contend with.
I don’t yet have a job in France, securing a visa is a lengthy process, and I don’t speak French. I also have a home in the US to sell, and my kids are in high school and may decide not to come with me. (Luckily, they’ll still be in good hands if they don’t.)
Like any worthwhile project, this will take time. But I can’t think of a better way for one project to end, and another to begin.
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