After work each day, I found myself feeling mentally exhausted and burned out.
Seemingly endless emails and a phone that buzzes long after 5 p.m. left me craving a more balanced lifestyle, particularly one that didn’t make me feel constantly available.
However, I was struggling to find activities and plans that would actually stick.
I know exercise can be mood-boosting, so I tried going to the gym after work. Most of the time, though, I ended up canceling because I was too tired and it didn’t sound like much fun.
I also attempted to make regular plans to go to happy hour with coworkers. This didn’t stick, either, and I didn’t exactly want all my social interactions to revolve around alcohol.
Instead, I continued spending most evenings sitting on my couch, doomscrolling on Instagram, waiting for my husband to get home from work.
At one point, after checking my screen-time settings, I was horrified to realize I was spending an average of four hours a day on my phone.
When I told my friend about my unsuccessful attempts to fix my post-work habits, she suggested I attend a reading party (or Silent Book Club).
I’d seen people around the world posting about attending these low-pressure events, where attendees gather to read books independently and silently, then have discussions afterward.
It seemed strange to turn an activity I usually do alone into a group one, but I was willing to give it a try.
I was skeptical, but the reading party helped me get off my phone in a fun way
Shortly after, I headed to a reading party at a café near me with a copy of “The Handmaid’s Tale” in hand.
As I arrived, I was worried I’d be the only one in attendance. Instead, I was surprised to see about a dozen people spread out at tables in the back corner of the café — all with books in hand, coffees nearby, and no phones in sight.
A woman smiled at me and scooted over, so I could sit at the empty seat beside her. I pulled out my book, ordered an oat-milk latte, and tried to start reading.
Instead, I kept getting distracted and couldn’t get comfortable in the chair. I shifted from side to side and had to reread the same page three times because I kept looking up at the sound of the espresso machine or someone walking by.
I wondered how long I could possibly sit here like this as I resisted the urge to grab my phone to check the time. Everyone else’s were away, and I didn’t want to be judged for having mine out.
After about 20 minutes, I finally got comfortable and was able to really dive into my book.
Our group read, uninterrupted, for one and a half hours, and then the woman who had organized the event got our attention and said the reading part of the event was finished. She motioned for us to go around in a circle, introduce ourselves, and share what we were reading.
Once everyone was through, attendees chatted with the people beside them. The conversations flowed naturally. We all liked reading and set aside time in our schedules to go there, so it was easy to break the ice.
I found out the girl next to me was also a big Bukowski fan, and it was nice to pick each other’s brains about our favorite works of his. Shortly after, the event came to a close.
People began to leave, and I liked not feeling pressured to exchange Instagram handles or phone numbers with anyone. I simply thanked the host and said I’d be back.
I left feeling refreshed and calm.
It’s nice having semi-regular plans that help me connect with others in a low-pressure way
Instead of looking down at my phone during my walk home, I found myself enjoying the beauty of my neighborhood — people walking their dogs, chatting in cafés.
As I continued, a buzz in my bag snapped me out of the present moment. Without thinking, my hand shot into my purse and grabbed it. I laughed when I saw that I had no important messages, only a promotional email about a sale at Ikea. I had missed nothing.
I won’t say this event was a magic cure that’s made me never reach for my phone or feel stressed after work. However, it helped me to connect with others and myself in a more present way.
I’ve now been attending these parties every other week or so for about six months. It’s gotten easier to get comfortable, stay focused on the page I’m reading, make post-reading conversation, and not feel tempted to grab my phone.
And when I’m truly desperate to know what time it is, I just look at the watch that I’d forgotten I owned.
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