In 2013, I was on a phone call with the editorial team at one of the biggest publishers in the world, fielding questions about how I planned to structure a book I had no idea how to write. I was a full-time psychotherapist who’d written a viral article that led to this meeting.
As I fumbled through a few answers, I caught myself thinking, Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t blow this opportunity.
I knew that thinking about all the ways I might mess up would likely cause me to mess up. So I took a deep breath and ran the best mental strength play I could in that moment — I activated my power phrase and told myself, I’m a strong, straightforward communicator.
Repeating that phrase in my mind helped me field the next round of questions with a bit more poise. I shared my story, acknowledged I hadn’t had much time to think about how to turn my ideas into a book, and assured them I was a hard worker and eager to learn.
Not long after that call, they made me an offer, and I signed my first book deal.
The two-minute reset is a way to stay mentally strong
Activating my power phrase was the two-minute mental reset that helped me land the book deal opportunity, and it’s one of 50 tools for high-stakes situations I cover in my new book, “The Mental Strength Playbook.”
Think about the last salary negotiation where you took the first number on the table or your performance review where you blanked on half of what you meant to say. Those are the moments a power phrase is built for.
Create a simple phrase to repeat in the two minutes between the parking lot and the room, or between sitting down at the table and being asked the first question.
It’s one of the fastest ways to stay mentally strong, no matter how high the stakes are, and you can run it in the moment you need it most.
Why activating your power phrase works
When you’re under pressure — whether you’re trying to close an important deal or asking for a raise — your brain runs a default script. For most people, it sounds something like, I’m going to mess this up, or, They’re going to see right through me.
A power phrase — a short, positive sentence you say to yourself in the moment — interrupts that script. A study published in “Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience” found that self-affirmations activate brain regions tied to self-processing and reward, which lead to real behavior change. Other research shows that activating your power phrase reduces how you perceive threats and improves your performance under pressure.
The conversations you have with yourself have a direct effect on how you perform; your body believes what your brain tells it. If you walk into a room telling yourself, I’m a horrible communicator, your communication skills will reflect that. Your voice will be quieter, you’ll avoid eye contact, and you won’t express yourself well.
If, however, you walk in thinking, I communicate my ideas effectively, you’ll likely communicate much better. Your thoughts about your performance often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve watched this play out with clients for years. One was a sales executive who would freeze up before big pitches because he was convinced he was going to forget his talking points, so I helped him create his power phrase. Before walking into the room, he’d tell himself, Share your excitement.
It worked; it pointed him at the part of the job he was actually good at, instead of the part his brain wouldn’t stop catastrophizing about. As his pitches improved, so did his close rate.
How to activate your power phrase
1. Catch the script
When the pressure ramps up, your brain shifts into a default loop — usually some version of “I’m going to mess this up” or “They’re going to see right through me.” Notice when that loop starts.
2. Pick a phrase that fits the moment
A general affirmation like “I am enough” might feel good in the abstract, but it won’t do much when you’re facing a specific challenge. Match the phrase to the challenge in front of you.
Walking into a salary negotiation? “I know my worth.”
About to give difficult feedback? “I can be direct and kind.”
Heading into a presentation? “I communicate my ideas effectively.”
The more pointed the phrase, the harder it works.
These three rules will help you pick a phrase that works well:
- Use the present tense. “I am brave” works better than “I’ve done brave things.” Your brain is trying to figure out what to do right now.
- Focus on what you can control. “I’m going to succeed no matter what” will backfire the second something goes sideways. “I can work hard and do my best” will help you stay on track.
- State it positively. “Don’t mess up” will make you more likely to mess up — your brain skips past the “don’t” and locks onto “mess up.”
3. Repeat it until the pressure passes
A power phrase isn’t a one-time statement. Activate it before you walk in, and keep running it in the background as you go.
Two minutes of repetition — before and during the moment — is usually enough to reset your focus. If you feel the default script creeping back, activate the power phrase again.
Remember, you’re not giving yourself a silent TED Talk — you’re just repeating your power phrase louder than the script your brain wants to run.
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