This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Karina Monesson, a working mother of four. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My husband and I work full-time corporate jobs. He is in behavioral health, and I work for a technology company.
We have four children, ages 11, 5, 2, and 1. Our two youngest are in full-time day care, and my 5-year-old is in kindergarten.
We will pay $49,064 in childcare this year
We pay $22,204 a year for our 1-year-old and $19,760 for our 2-year-old for their full-time day care. We got lucky; my 5-year-old started going to kindergarten the same year we had a baby, so we narrowly missed having three in full-time day care.
We pay $2,100 for seven weeks of summer camp for our 5-year-old, and $5,000 for 10 months of before and after-school care. Our numbers for the 2026-2027 school year will be significantly cheaper than 2025-2026 because our 11-year-old won’t be doing after care, and we will be in less expensive day care tuition classes.
I shared our childcare expenses on social media, and it went viral
There were two primary responses related to our expense. The first was that day care is awful, and children thrive when they are home with their parents. People said it’s best for everyone to have a child at home with a parent full-time, or at least with a nanny, grandparent, or something similar.
Having a nanny in our home was not an option. We don’t have room for one; I work from the nursery. I’m sure if we had room for a nanny, I’d be more distracted when the kids were home.
The other reaction was that I should quit my job and raise my own children. That response speaks to the idea that it’s impossible to be a good mother and a working mother simultaneously, and that if you’re not with your children 24 hours a day, someone else is raising your children.
I believe that our high childcare costs are worth it
Earlier in my career, I wasn’t making that much money after the childcare expenses were said and done. But now I work a corporate job, and I do make enough money to cover the cost of childcare, and more.
Because of day care, I’ve been able to fully show up in my career. I’m really intentional about the house when I’m not working, too, and I show up as the kind of mother I want to be. I have four children, which is unusual as a leader in a tech company, but I also bake sourdough, have a vegetable garden, and do yoga. I’m extremely intentional about the time I have with my children.
Having day care has put us in a position to save for early retirement, and I feel grateful and confident about our financial situation, even though day care eats up a lot of our budget. But I know there is no way I could have grown my career to the point where we’d have this kind of financial stability without day care.
I think women can have it all, just maybe not at the same time
Being a mom is hard in general. I juggle a lot. One of the mantras I keep coming back to is that some balls are glass and some are rubber, and I have to know which ones are glass in the moment.
That means staying up late to get work done or missing a board meeting for kindergarten graduation. I’m constantly navigating between the two. You can’t always have it 100% all of the time, but it is possible to show up as a fully present mother and a successful working mother.
It’s also exhausting at times and not easy. Right now, my baby is sick, and I’ve been sick for a week and a half after coming back from a business trip.
There are moments like that where it feels really overwhelming and difficult to show up as both.
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