One of the most common things I heard after having three kids in three and a half years was: “They’ll all be in college at the same time.” I was busy paying for diapers, and people were already warning me about college costs. It scared me.
My husband works full-time as a registered nurse and part-time as a paramedic. I was a stay-at-home mom before transitioning to working part-time from home as a writer. While we had solid income, the reality of paying $100,000 to $200,000 per child felt daunting. We couldn’t spend $300,000 to $600,000 over seven years.
My husband and I both paid for our own college degrees. He has a bachelor’s degree, and I have bachelor’s, master’s, and post-graduate degrees. It was less expensive then, but we did it.
And we believe our children — now 17, 19, and 21 — can, too.
We started with early conversations
When our kids were in elementary and middle school, we talked about how we paid for our own schooling. We shared how hard it was and how proud we were. Paying our own way gave us ownership, and graduating meant more because of it.
In middle school, we were clear with our kids that paying for college would be their responsibility. We would support them however we could, but the financial burden was theirs. By high school, they realized how much work it would take.
We talked about tuition, expenses, and student loans. We talked a lot about sacrifice. Each of them worked multiple jobs in high school to save money. They were all athletes, but we had clear conversations about the need for them not to rely on athletics for funding. With only 2% of high school athletes receiving scholarships and the risk of injury, it wasn’t a reliable path.
While their friends looked at dream colleges, my kids asked about merit scholarships and loan limits. It took some of the fun out of the process, but while college is fun, that’s not its sole purpose.
These less-than-exciting conversations were one way we helped them take ownership of their college experience and start making adult financial decisions for a strong future.
We taught them how to find and earn scholarships
We focused on hard work and learning, which led to the grades needed for merit scholarships from colleges. By understanding each school’s requirements, they qualified for the top tiers of merit aid and honors program funds.
Outside scholarships have been a key way we’ve supported them. There is no scholarship too small to make a difference. Most of the private scholarships my children received were local, requiring applications with essays. We taught them that a $500 essay was worth the effort.
I often come across scholarship opportunities and send them to my kids. The responsibility to apply and write a quality essay is theirs. I will help them navigate things they don’t know a lot about, like creating a résumé, and I will offer feedback on their essays. But the rest is up to them. Helping them with private scholarships has been a significant source of support.
We helped them reduce costs
It’s helpful to start college with some credits under your belt. By taking Advanced Placement and Early College Experience classes for a nominal fee (usually less than $100), my kids were all able to enter college with anywhere from 3 to 18 college credits.
That adds up to significant savings. We didn’t push these classes on them, but helped them choose which ones were best for them and paid the fees.
We support them in practical, everyday ways
It’s not all about finding money. Sometimes it’s about helping ease the burden. One of my favorite ways to help is through small surprises.
When my daughter was having a hard day at college and didn’t want to spend money on a treat, I Venmo’d her $10 for coffee. It was a little thing I could do to help.
When one of my kids is running low on something, I occasionally place a Walmart or Amazon order for their favorite snacks, paper towels, or deodorant. The packages are less than $50, but it’s a feasible way for me to ease expenses and make them feel cared for.
We can’t pay for college, but we’re still all in
We are two hardworking parents trying to support our kids as they chase their dreams. We attend sporting events and award ceremonies. We talk about grades and offer tips for success.
We may not have the money to fund their schooling, but we can still support them in meaningful ways.
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