The first time my son asked if he could bike in the neighborhood with his friends, I hesitated. His friend balanced on his bike, one foot on the ground, waiting impatiently for an answer. I looked at my eight-year old son, his eyes wide with hope, and every instinct in me wanted to say no.
It was too dangerous. He could get hit by a car. Or kidnapped.
Instead, I took a breath and said, “You can go one block over. And stick together the whole time.”
My son pumped his fist in victory, clipped on his helmet, and hopped on his bike. I didn’t hear from him for half an hour, during which I worried the whole time.
When he returned home, breathless and happy, I knew that I’d made the right choice.
He started asking for more screentime when he wasn’t outside
I bought him an advanced walkie-talkie and GPS tracker so I could check his whereabouts and communicate with him next time he went.
Biking became a regular thing that summer among the four neighborhood boys close in age. Besides biking, they played in our driveway, climbed trees, and made homemade “weapons.”
After about two years, the “bike gang” started to dissolve. One kid moved away. The oldest lost interest. Eventually, my son stopped biking, too. He stayed indoors more often and rarely ventured outside. Instead of pushing his limits in free play, he started begging for more screen time.
I missed the days of the “bike gang,” so when one of the neighbor kids and his younger brother started biking again, I was all too ready to let my son — and now my 8-year-old daughter — join in.
I set boundaries with my kids on how far they can go
I know that biking can be dangerous — my husband was hit on a bike as a kid, so was my little brother, and in my 20’s I was hit while jogging. Cars are not always paying attention, especially now with texting. My kids and I talk about how hyper-aware they need to be at all times. We also discuss stranger danger, and my son now has a GPS tracking watch.
Still, even with these precautions, it’s not easy to send my kids into the world — but the alternative is that they’re cooped up inside or limited to our backyard. Our neighborhood “bike gang” now includes up to seven kids. There’s safety and visibility in numbers, which gives me a small sense of ease.
I now let my kids bike up to a half mile from our house if they’re with the other neighbor kids. When my son is with a fellow 13-year-old in our neighborhood, I let him go even further. They’ve pedaled up to a local church to watch a friend’s theater rehearsal, to my son’s school for band practice, or even to take local taekwondo lessons.
Letting my kids roam the neighborhood is good for their mental health and relationships
As anxiety-inducing as letting my kids bike is for me, I know it’s doing the opposite for them. Research shows that as independent playtime has declined over the past few decades, anxiety and depression have increased among school-aged children.
My oldest child is far less anxious and more confident than he used to be. I believe biking has taught him more responsibility, too, because he has to babysit his sister every time she goes with him. It’s also forced him to learn practical skills, liking fixing a bike tire.
As for my 8-year old, she’s an energetic child who loves to move. Biking with the neighbor kids lets her run off her energy. She also feels older and “cooler” getting to go with the bigger kids.
It’s helped their sibling bond, too, by spending time together doing an activity they both love.
And I’ll be honest that the quiet time in my home, especially when their little brother is napping, is appreciated. I think parenting must’ve been easier before we started keeping kids indoors — and worried about everything.
It’s not easy letting my kids go into the world, but I’m glad they’re getting some semblance of the independence I had as a 90’s kid.
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