This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Olivia Pollock, vice president of brand at Evite. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I have a core memory of getting ready for a friend’s birthday party when I was growing up in the 90s. It was at Chuck E. Cheese, which was, to me, the pinnacle of party sophistication at the time. I remember putting on my Sunday dress and nice shoes because the party was such a big deal.
I still love a Chuck E. Cheese party, and so do my kids, who are 7 and 5. And yet, as a party professional, I’ve seen how much stress parents put on themselves to create Instagram-perfect kids’ parties.
Instead of letting kids run wild (like our parents did), parents today are planning activations (a fancy way of saying planned activities), a picture-perfect table spread, and balloon arches for photo ops. I’m here to say: no more.
I realized my kids don’t care about how fancy a party is
Last year, when my daughter Penelope turned 7, she wanted a Taylor Swift-themed party (though she would want me to point out that now that she’s 8, she’s no longer a Swiftie). I spent way too much on a DIY denim jacket station, with a vendor who would personalize the jackets with iron-on patches.
My daughter has never worn that jacket or even talked about it. The thing she remembers was singing karaoke into a $2 microphone with her friends.
After that, I started to pay more attention to the birthdays we were going to. My kids had just as much fun at casual backyard or bowling alley parties as they did at the party with a lifelike animatronic dinosaur that looked straight out of a movie set.
This year, my daughter had an old-school sleepover party
This year, for Penelope’s birthday, I decided to take a different approach. She invited four friends to a softball-themed sleepover. We went to the batting cages and had Chick-fil-A for dinner. Other than that, there were no planned activities.
The kids absolutely loved it. All of the girls said they want a similar sleepover party. I could see that this low-key party filled Penelope up so much more than previous events we’ve done for her.
It made me happy to give her what she really wanted, rather than what I thought a birthday party needed to be. I bought each girl a nice, personalized blanket as a thank-you, but still saved money and stress by having a simpler party.
Think about the vibe, not the aesthetics
I know some parents who absolutely love planning a highly detailed, visually appealing party. If that’s you, that’s great. But if it’s not, that’s fine too. I encourage parents to shift their perspective, prioritizing the party’s vibe and intent over the visual components.
Don’t be afraid to lean into what your kids actually want to do. Let the party get messy, and don’t over-prescribe; at the end of the day, kids just want to run around with their friends and leave with a goody bag.
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