This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Monica Kranner, 56, a nutritionist based in London. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Having a 2.5-year-old when you’re 56, and your husband is 60, means everyone has questions and opinions about your life.
I’ve heard just about every comment you can think of, and it’s been going on ever since I was pregnant. I would be at the dentist, for example, and have to put on the consultation form that I was pregnant, only for the receptionist to do a double take.
One that really hurt was being out at a restaurant for a family dinner over Christmas, when the server complimented us for spending quality time with our “grandson.” The assumption that we are our son’s grandparents happens pretty much every time we go out, whether it’s to the park, a toddler group, or even while shopping.
We end up sharing our painful backstory with strangers
Sometimes I can keep my cool, but other times it really hurts that people just make assumptions, because we waited so long to have our son.
It becomes expected that we share our very painful, personal back story: that we have been trying to conceive since I was 39, and I have experienced seven devastating miscarriages. Our son is the miracle we were waiting for over 14 years. Having to share this with strangers isn’t easy, but it feels necessary.
All our son currently sees is two parents who love him immensely. He doesn’t see our ages, but I’m worried this will come when he starts school. I don’t want his friends to judge him and tease him for having older parents. It’s one of the reasons I am actually thinking of homeschooling him, to protect him from bullying.
As older parents, we don’t take our health for granted
Having a young child at this age means you don’t take anything for granted. I have been a nutritionist for over 20 years, seeing clients across London, where we live; Vienna, where I’m originally from; and Los Angeles.
Even though we ended up conceiving through IVF, I’m convinced that nutrition played a strong part in helping me fall pregnant at the age of 53, and getting through menopause when I started experiencing hot flashes when I was 55, delayed because of the IVF hormones.
And now, nutrition is what keeps me fit enough to match my son’s energy levels. It’s also not just about the present. Naturally, my husband and I want to live as long as possible to be here for our son, so that’s another reason we want to take care of our health.
As a family, we eat a fully organic diet, and I cook fresh meals at home as often as possible. I make sure every meal contains protein, vegetables, and either rye bread or rice noodles. A typical meal for my son would be a boiled egg with kefir, a fermented milk drink, some boiled, sliced vegetables, avocado, and a side of banana chips and rye bread.
Each week, I make a large portion of bone broth, cooking it for up to 12 hours before cooling it and decanting it into toddler bottles, which I then serve daily to my son. I’m confident it’s one of the reasons he’s hardly been sick. My husband Peter and I both regularly have bone broth too, and my elderly dad in Austria has also started having it. I’ve even gotten my nephew and his children onto it.
I also take several supplements. I’ve also taken up reformer pilates to build strength. And we try to get as much sleep as possible.
I really enjoy my time with my son
I’ve had a long time to think about how I want to balance work with spending time with my son, as it’s important to me to spend as much time with him as possible while keeping my nutrition business going. I took a step back from my business when my son was born, seeing clients only when they approached me — I didn’t do any proactive marketing again until this year. My husband runs his own small advertising agency, so he had some flexibility to step in and take care of our son when needed, and we also use a babysitter.
Now our babysitter comes for about half the day, and I take care of Lewis myself for the other half. That’s the other thing you have to think about when you start a family at this age – you can’t rely on grandparents to help. They have either died already or are too old to have the physical strength and mental capacity to take care of a toddler.
I really enjoy my time with my son, though, and I hope he does too. I take him to toddler activities like golf, gymnastics, and soccer. When he takes a nap, I try to lie down with him to rest and be near him.
It’s frustrating that so many people think it’s OK to make the insensitive comments that they do. You don’t know what someone else has been through. It’s nobody’s business how old we are. We are doing the best for our son, and that is what matters.
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