Growing up, celebrations in my family were basically reserved for birthdays and Christmas. We didn’t really celebrate academic achievements or traditional milestones. Those things were simply viewed as expectations, not necessarily accomplishments that earned recognition.
Now that I’m parenting teenagers, I’ve found myself intentionally doing the opposite — celebrating the small wins along the way to the bigger goals.
I don’t want to let all these little moments slip away
During these busy years, when everything seems to be building toward graduation and whatever comes next, those little “yay” moments can come and go in the blink of an eye. Instead of letting them pass by, I try to make sure we acknowledge the work behind the success, whether it’s straight As — or even As and Bs after a particularly difficult semester; getting a learner’s permit; receiving an honor society invitation; surviving a brutal AP exam; making it through a stressful week of midterms; or simply sticking with something that required persistence and effort.
These celebrations aren’t elaborate or expensive. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “Want to get Starbucks on the way home?” Other times it’s, “We’re going out tonight — your choice.” It might mean surprising them with a favorite treat or a movie after a hard week, or even doing one of their chores so they can take a break. The reward itself isn’t the point. It’s the message behind it: I see how hard you’re working, and I’m proud of you.
Part of the reason I’ve become so intentional about this is because I vividly remember what it felt like to be a teenager. High school could be overwhelming. There were so many moving pieces — grades, friendships, extracurriculars, family expectations, and the constant pressure to figure out who you were becoming. Even when something good happened, it could get buried beneath everything else that felt uncertain or wasn’t going right.
I want my kids to feel seen
One of my own “yay” moments came during my junior year of high school. My favorite English teacher pulled me aside after class to tell me how much she enjoyed an essay I’d written. Then she handed me her own well-loved copy of The Portable Dorothy Parker and said she thought I’d love it. I floated through the rest of the week. Looking back, it wasn’t really about the kind words or the book, it was about feeling seen. She turned an ordinary school day into a memory I’ve carried with me for decades.
I’m grateful that my own kids have teachers who do the same. They have adults who notice their strengths, encourage them, and celebrate their accomplishments. But as parents, we’re uniquely positioned to build on those moments. We don’t have to wait for awards banquets, graduation ceremonies, or college acceptance letters. We can reinforce those victories at home, right when they happen, in whatever way makes sense for our family.
I’ve shifted away from the way I was raised because the teen years are such a long stretch of working toward milestones that may still be years away. Hitting pause to celebrate a small win gives both my kids and me a chance to appreciate what’s happening right now instead of always looking ahead.
A learner’s permit might seem insignificant compared to a driver’s license, and an AP exam is just one test. But when you’re 15 or 16, those moments can feel enormous because they’re proof that you’re growing, persevering, and moving forward. That’s exciting, sure, but it’s also a little scary.
I want my kids to remember that someone noticed when they worked hard and celebrated when they persevered. It doesn’t have to be me — in fact, I hope they’ll have teachers, coaches, friends, mentors, and future colleagues cheering them on throughout their lives. But I do want them to remember that home was a place where small achievements were acknowledged, not just the final outcome.
Our memories have a way of holding on to the hard stuff, and I can’t change that. But I can make sure we’re intentionally creating memories of the good stuff, too. If, years from now, my kids remember the Starbucks run after a tough week, the surprise treat after a big test, or being told, “Your choice tonight,” after reaching a goal that mattered to them, I’ll know those little celebrations were never really little after all.
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