Just days after graduating from college, my now-husband Scott and I loaded all our belongings into my truck and started driving south.
We’d been spending our last couple of years at college dreaming about building an off-grid cabin so we could live a sustainable life close to nature. Now, we had the perfect opportunity: Scott, who was from West Virginia, had inherited an amazing rural piece of property there.
Scott’s land and rising real-estate prices made West Virginia an obvious choice, but the move wasn’t without its challenges.
I had lived in the Northeast my entire life, surrounded by childhood friends and a large family, and as amazing as our new off-grid life was, moving away from this support system was isolating in the first few years.
At first, it was difficult to meet new people
As I started a new life in West Virginia, I discovered that making new friends was harder than I’d expected.
Given our rural location, I started working remotely soon after the move. Although I loved not having a commute, this setup meant I spent my days working alone and couldn’t easily befriend co-workers.
Without close family, school, or colleagues, I found it difficult to form quick friendships or put myself out there.
Despite these challenges, Scott’s family — who were our new neighbors — instantly made the transition easier. The first day I visited his family’s home, I was immediately handed a cutting board to help with dinner prep.
There was never any awkwardness about being a guest; everyone who visits is just one of the family. It was easy to squish into big family Christmas photos, full sofas, and loaded dining tables.
Having grown up here, Scott also had a small network of friends who were all happy to make room for me, too. Unfortunately, our off-grid home, which is powered by sunlight and heated with wood, sometimes limits our ability to leave the premises and join in on activities like day trips.
I always felt bad when we had to decline or reschedule plans based on the weather. We don’t know many people who share our off-grid lifestyle. Thankfully, they were very understanding, and some of them and their spouses are now among my best friends.
Hobbies helped me make friends in school, but I had to put more effort into making friends as an adult
For a while, I felt like most of my ties in the area were through Scott. I slowly gained the confidence to expand my circle in the following years.
Back in college, I made friends through classes and hobbies. This strategy was a lot harder as an adult in a new place, though.
I joined a book club, a writer’s group, and a litter clean-up group. I also attended networking events in a nearby city and Master Naturalist classes. Although I loved these groups, I still found it more difficult to build friendships that lasted outside those activities.
Over time, I built the confidence to give people my number or invite them for coffee or a hike. As it turns out, most people have been thrilled to be invited. One woman at an event even confessed to me that she had attended with the hope of making new friends.
These rewarding experiences led me to reach farther outside my comfort zone.
Eventually, I decided to build the community I wanted
One spring, I attended a plant swap in a larger town about an hour away. I loved hanging out with other plant lovers and chatting about spring gardens, and I remember wishing our small town had a similar event.
It wasn’t until a few years later that I picked the idea up again. “Our town should have a plant swap,” I told Scott.
I sent one email to our local library, and our town’s community plant swap was born. I had a great time, made some new friends, and our librarian said it was the year’s most popular event. What I had made into a big deal in my mind for years turned out to be easy and fun.
Since then, I’ve continued the plant swap, spearheaded a community clean-up, and helped organize a protest. I was surprised to discover how many people would just show up to an event, even a casual or imperfect one.
Learning that many other people were looking for community, too, inspired me to keep going.
Now that I’ve lived here for around a decade, I think that’s been my biggest takeaway: Building community can be hard, especially after a major move, but most of the challenge is mental.
There are so many people who are happy to connect, but you have to open the door, even when it’s scary.
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