When my daughter applied for college, all of her choices were out of state. She accepted admission to her top choice school, UCLA, which, fortunately, was only two states away rather than across the country. We were all thrilled.
Before she left for school, I thought I understood all the costs for her first year: tuition, housing, meal plan, incidentals, flights home for winter and spring break. We thought we covered everything.
What I didn’t factor in was visiting her for things like parent and family weekend. That’s when I learned that the cost of college included more than what you pay for school.
Whenever I travel to visit my daughter, it gets expensive — fast
I visit my daughter in Los Angeles frequently throughout the school year, including during parents’ weekend.
The costs for parents’ weekend didn’t come all at once, which made it seem reasonable at first. I booked the flights months in advance, then found an Airbnb, purchased the home football game tickets a few weeks later, and finally rented a car.
Then there were the little costs during the trip: meals out, parking fees on and around campus, and a trip to Target for dorm-room snacks and supplies. I also couldn’t pass up the swag. I’ll never understand why a sweatshirt costs so much, but the pro-mom trick I learned is to get your school gear at the nearest Target or during special event sales.
When I finally added up the expenses, I was like, “Oh!” I easily paid over $1,500 for a single trip to visit my daughter.
But these trips are priceless to me
When your child is going to school out of state, you miss out on everyday moments. While there’s always FaceTime and texting, what calms the heart is to lay eyes on your kid, to hug them, to meet their friends, and to see the spaces they’re in day after day.
Getting to know the campus so that when my daughter says, “I went to the café for lunch,” or mentions a particular restaurant, I can visualize where she is throughout the day. When she talks about a particular class in a building, I can better understand where she spends her time. It’s part of staying connected from afar, and it shows me that she’s thriving out in the world.
For me, you can’t put a price tag on connecting with your child.
Still, the costs were a surprise. The prices will be different for every family because of distance and visit frequency. These numbers will vary, and over time, those trips can add up to several thousand extra dollars a year. It’s not part of the official price tag, but for many families, it’s very real.
I’m making changes for future visits
After the first two trips, I began to plan ahead, look for deals, maximize miles and points redemptions, and be more intentional about trip timing, which allowed me to budget better.
So far this year, I’ve visited three times. She’s come home four times. My fourth and final visit will be for move-out weekend.
As she moves into her later years, these home visits will become fewer as internships and projects take up more of her time. My visits to see her a few times a year will mean more to me than she may ever know, and the price will be worth it.
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