“Mom, why are we going?” my son asked, snuggling up against me.
I pulled the bed covers up close and, adopting my most reassuring mom voice, explained our upcoming move from California to Kentucky to my 5-year-old. As the time for our big move approached, this question showed up on repeat at bedtime. My son’s tiny voice was filled with the sort of confusion and sadness, typically only reserved for lost puzzle pieces and morning drop-offs.
It was understandable — we were leaving the only friends he’d known to move closer to family he only saw twice a year in Louisville. He wasn’t the only one who was nervous.
After years in Los Angeles, it was time to move closer to family
When I moved to Los Angeles, it didn’t take long to realize it was a love-hate relationship. I felt like I was the only person in Southern California who preferred actual seasons to year-round nice weather, and I didn’t enjoy the traffic that made it impossible for me to run errands or get to work on time. But I did love that my husband and I met there and were building a life together.
Soon after we had our son, I added another dislike to my list: My family was too far away. My parents and I were close, and I craved their support and connection even more now that I was a mom. I wanted them to be everyday grandparents, not twice-a-year Grandma and Papa. I was ready to move home.
After many talks with my husband that covered the pros and cons of leaving, we saw more benefits to moving. We decided the best time would be when our son started Kindergarten. The idea of leaving a city we’d lived in for close to 20 years was a big deal, but my husband and I were excited for new opportunities and weekly dinners with extended family. My son, however, wasn’t so clear on the concept.
My son didn’t understand what moving would mean for us
“When can we come back to our house?” he asked at bedtime.
Uh oh. I thought I’d covered that one, and my answer wasn’t going to go over very well. My 5-year-old felt safest in our home and loved his predictable schedule. Now that we were moving, all the familiar was going to be packed away in our boxes.
“Well, that’s not exactly how it works,” I started softly, “all of our stuff comes with us, and a new family gets to live here.” His eyes closed tight, trying to comprehend the finality.
For the next week, with the big move just over three weeks away, my kid didn’t want to leave my side. I knew his reaction stemmed from fears tied to our move, so I did my best to stick with simple reassurances: “I love you so much” and “We’ll always be together,” which helped soothe him.
We helped him focus on all the positives of moving
As our moving date drew closer, my husband and I focused on the big adventure ahead of us rather than what we were leaving behind. We talked about sleepovers at the grandparents, the elusive lightning bugs he’d finally see, and his new “big kid” room. I made sure his Cali-based friends could stay in touch with video chats, and whispered, “The House Fairy is coming, too.” Clearly, a close relative of the Tooth Fairy.
I explained that the House Fairy leaves surprise gifts for kids in their new home, and my son raised his eyebrows in suspicion. But it piqued his curiosity enough to bring in some excitement — and give him something to look forward to, which was the goal. Another great help was keeping bedtime and playtime routines as consistent as possible. I packed a few of his favorite toys and smaller games to keep with us at all times, because those brought familiarity to new spaces.
I was more than nervous about taking a leap of faith and moving cross-country. There were so many unknowns, but eight years later, I’d choose the same. Moving home brought our family closer together (not just in proximity) and supports a slower, more fulfilling lifestyle.
Thankfully, my son settled in faster than I anticipated. At 5 years old, he lived so much in the present that once we arrived in Kentucky, he was more excited about a summer with his grandparents than he was sad about leaving LA. It also helped when he saw all of the familiar furniture and toys move in since a big fear had been that everything would be new.
I didn’t know it then, but I watched this big transition build a sturdy bridge to emotional resilience — showing our kid that the unfamiliar can lead to new adventures, even with no Disneyland in driving distance.
Read the full article here
