This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Clarke Byard, cofounder of The Byard Family Legacy Fund. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Kevin was the new kid when we met in 10th grade. I was busy dancing; he was busy joining the football team. Eventually, our circles overlapped, and we started dating.
By 11th grade, however, I dumped him. He wanted to do football camps all summer instead of hanging out with me. But by senior year, we got back together, and the rest is history. We’ve been together for over 15 years and have been married since 2018.
Kevin played college football in Tennessee, and I attended Howard University in Washington, D.C. Being apart during that time was nice — we each had our own space to focus. After college, I had a hard time deciding whether to stay in D.C. or move to Tennessee to be with him. I knew being committed to Kevin would also mean being committed to his football career.
We created a home in Tennessee, where Kevin started his career
Some people in the NFL compare being married to a player to being a military spouse. I don’t think that’s quite right (my grandpa was a military man, and I know we don’t have the same safety concerns), but there are many similarities. I knew I couldn’t get a traditional job, since we’d have to move suddenly if Kevin were traded.
Kevin is now playing his 10th NFL season, and our family life is shaped by his career. We have three kids: Eliana, 6; Kevin IV, 4; and Amari, 2. Kevin is a hands-on dad. He even delivered our second at home when I gave birth much faster than expected. We weren’t planning to name the baby Kevin, but after that, we had to.
Although we were raised in Georgia, Tennessee is our home now. It’s where Kevin attended school and began his professional career. We own a house there, and have a wonderful community that includes a lot of former professional athletes.
We pay full-time tuition to keep our private school spots
When Kevin signed with the Chicago Bears last year, I thought I would stay in Tennessee during the season. I even hired a nanny to help with the kids. But we missed him too much, and he missed us.
Now, we rent a home in Chicago during the NFL season. We pay full-time tuition for Eliana and Kevin at a school in Tennessee. It’s hard to get into, and we don’t want to lose their spots. Eliana is also enrolled at a private school in Chicago when we’re here.
I know this setup will get more difficult as the kids get older. It’s already tricky because they miss their friends and extracurriculars in Tennessee. But our friends there are great, and they come to visit us in Chicago.
The NFL wives support and mentor each other
Other wives helped me learn how to navigate being a partner and mother during NFL season. By now, I feel like I know how to handle it. I’ve learned to go along with the chaotic part of our lives, rather than fight against it. I focus on the good things it brings.
I try to pay that guidance forward by mentoring other wives. The kids and I attend every home game. They love running around with the kids of other Bears’ players. Recently, a young wife — who is expecting twins — asked me how I do it. I was like, “Girl, I got you.”
I help run our foundation, but mostly I’m OK being home during this phase of my life. I see a lot of the younger wives and girlfriends trying to wear so many hats. I don’t feel pressure to do more things that could take away from time with my kids.
I’m working on outsourcing more
Being on a schedule helps us make the most of Kevin’s limited free time. I recently got one of those digital calendars, and it will send Kevin a notification an hour before the kids’ activities. He tries to make an appearance, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
On weekdays, he gets home at about 6 p.m., and the kids are in bed at 7:30, so we need to make the time count. If he has a Friday off, we’ll have a movie night or go to the pumpkin patch — anything to create those memories.
I’m trying to be better at outsourcing. I just recently hired a babysitter. I’m thinking about an au pair, but I grew up as an only child, and I’m not sure I’m up for having someone else living in the house.
Ultimately, my heart is content when I’m home with my kids, having those experiences while they’re young that I can’t get back.
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