When I, a type-A dietitian who loves to work out, married a laid-back man who prefers to unwind with his feet up, our different activity levels didn’t concern me.
I originally started exercising to manage my weight, but it’s become a nonnegotiable part of my routine over the years. My workouts have run the gamut from HIIT classes to one-on-one sessions with personal trainers.
At the moment, I do Lagree (a high-impact, low-intensity workout) and go on long walks three to four times each week.
My husband, on the other hand, has never stuck with a consistent workout routine. Between his technology job and love of video games, he spends a lot of the day sitting and doesn’t feel the same pull I do to go for walks or exercise.
He’s joined me on the occasional bike ride and fitness class, but given the choice, he’d almost always choose to sit on the couch or in front of the computer.
Although we view fitness very differently, it hasn’t caused conflict in our 12-year marriage. After all, I knew he wasn’t a fitness buff well before we got married, and I enjoy my fair share of relaxed, sedentary activities too.
However, now that we’re in our 40s and I’m thinking more about the future, I’m worried our “fitness gap” lifestyle differences could impact the way we age.
Aging has made me examine our different lifestyle preferences through a new lens
As we get older, I dream about leading a long, active life together, traveling, keeping up with our kids, and living independently for as long as possible.
Of course, I can’t know for certain what shape either of us will be in as time passes. Although regular exercise and an active lifestyle can help, more movement certainly doesn’t guarantee healthy aging. Genetics, stress, sleep, nutrition, hormones, and plain old luck can all play a role.
Some active people do everything “right” and still face health challenges, whereas some more sedentary individuals stay well for decades.
Yet as I think about our future, I wonder how our habits might already be shaping it. For me, getting regular exercise feels like one of the few factors I can actually control. I’ve seen firsthand how much staying active has improved my flexibility, agility, and strength.
After years of leading different lifestyles, I’ve begun noticing some differences in how my husband and I move. For example, I’m more comfortable walking long distances when we travel and can sit cross-legged on the floor for extended periods without issue.
Naturally, I’d love for both of us to enjoy those freedoms as we age.
Making movement less about fitness and more about longevity could be great for both of us
Ultimately, I want the two of us to do everything we can to have a future where our choices aren’t constrained by physical limitations.
One way to work toward this is to view movement as a tool to help us achieve the life we want, rather than as a way to be “fit.”
I’m a believer that any movement counts, and a great routine doesn’t require intense, hour-long workouts every day.
I like to take a 10-minute walk after dinner, stretch during TV commercial breaks, and park a few spots farther away to fit in extra steps. None of these small habits feels daunting or time-consuming, but they add up and support my health.
Although my husband has historically taken an all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to fitness — like jumping straight into working out five days a week only to burn out from discomfort or injury — I’ve encouraged him to take a more gradual approach with the hope that smaller, more maintainable habits will stick.
Since having some of these conversations, he’s already started going on more walks. Sometimes he joins me for a workout.
Ultimately, though, my husband is responsible for his own decisions and lifestyle. He might never love to exercise regularly the way I do, and I don’t need him to.
Neither of us can predict the future. For now, we can just work toward building sustainable ways to enjoy movement together so that we can try to age as healthily as possible.
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