Before I had a baby, I had no clue that birthday parties for 1-year-olds were even a thing.
As my friends started having children, I got invited to their kids’ first birthday parties. I was surprised when the invitation mentioned a food truck and had links to an online gift registry. I was caught off guard by how extravagant they seemed.
I think every family should be able to establish their own traditions and celebrations, but I wanted something different for my family.
There’s a lot of pressure as a parent, and it starts early
On social media, it almost seems as if having a pregnancy announcement photo shoot, a gender reveal party, a baby shower, and a baby belly photo shoot are obligatory for an expectant parent. Then the first year of your child’s life culminates in a themed birthday party that looks like it jumped off a Pinterest board, complete with a picture-perfect smash cake.
I did none of those things.
Already feeling bad about the number of disposable diapers my future child would use, I prioritized getting secondhand baby items whenever possible instead of registering for new stuff. I have a few snapshots of me with a prominent baby belly, but they weren’t part of a staged photo shoot that I hired a professional for.
I had my baby and still didn’t feel the need for any of this
Foregoing these festivities before my son was born seemed within my rights as the pregnant person that these occasions are supposed to celebrate. But since the first birthday is about celebrating the kid, I started to feel some inner turmoil about not having a birthday party for him.
Soon after my son started day care, I started finding bags with dollar-store toys and cards that said “thank you for celebrating my birthday with me” from kids in his class.
As my son’s first birthday neared, friends and family asked what I had planned. Even the owner of the daycare he attended asked what we were going to do. I looked at her and asked, “Are we awful parents if we don’t do anything for his first birthday?” She laughed and put me at ease that they were here to support us for as much, or as little, as we wanted to do to celebrate.
A party felt like just another to-do to add to my long list
My husband and I don’t exchange gifts or have parties for our own birthdays. To us, a lot of holidays and celebrations have become more focused on consumerism than valuing connection with loved ones. That’s not what we want to model for our child.
As a working mom, I have plenty on my plate. I’m balancing being a parent, a spouse, running a household, having a career, and trying to hold on to my identity as a person outside of all of those constructs. Organizing an elaborate toddler’s birthday party felt like another to-do rather than an event that would bring me joy.
I also cringe at how much single-use paper plates, cups, and decorations end up in landfills at kids’ birthday parties. As a parent, it feels like an otherworldly force is trying to inundate my home with child-related clutter. Those gift bags from daycare birthday parties? They were sweet gestures, but they ended up in the trash.
We landed on something meaningful to us
Instead of throwing a party that my kid wouldn’t remember, my husband and I decided to do something special that we would remember.
Before having a baby, my husband and I enjoyed fine dining. While we take our son to restaurants, it isn’t the relaxing, romantic experience it used to be. We don’t have family nearby, and hadn’t had a night out alone since our son was born. So, for our son’s first birthday, we got a babysitter for the very first time and had a date night. For our son, he got to enjoy a special lunch of filet mignon, pureed, since he only had six teeth.
We went to a Michelin-star restaurant and enjoyed a romantic dinner, alone. It gave us the time and space to reflect on how much our relationship had changed since becoming parents, and how much we had grown together through the journey.
Do you have a hot take on a common parenting belief? Email Jennifer Beck Goldblatt at jgoldblatt@insider.com to share your experience with Business Insider.
Read the full article here
