Buying a property was on my bingo card for as long as I can remember. It always felt inevitable, especially being a millennial raised by boomers who saw that as the default path.
For years, I quietly accepted that it probably was not possible in the world we live in. Then it became possible, and that is when things got interesting.
After moving in with my partner, we decided to actually test the assumption. We ran the numbers and realized that, at least in the UK, we could make it work.
For the first time, buying a house seemed realistic. But instead of confirming the plan, the process forced a different conclusion: We decided not to buy.
The version of ‘home” I could get wasn’t the one I wanted
What that budget translated into in reality was something else entirely. The options within our range came with compromises: a less-than-ideal location, space that was too small, or spending more time and money than we were comfortable with.
It forced us to reflect. Is it worth owning something you do not even like, in an area you do not want to live in, just for the sake of owning a house?
There was also a gap between what I had always imagined buying a house would look like and what this actually was. I had never pictured making a long-term commitment to something that already read like a compromise from day one.
And in the UK, that gap widens fast. Many properties within our range were not even full ownership in the traditional sense. Leaseholds, service charges, ground rent, restrictions on renovations, or even how you live. You are not buying a home. You are buying the right to occupy someone else’s asset for a number of years, paying them for the privilege, and asking permission to paint your own walls.
The more we understood the structure, the more the word “ownership” started to seem like a technicality.
It was a legal status that looked like control on paper but delivered very little in practice.
Buying would lock us into a version of our life we’re not sure we want
Once we accepted that the kind of home we could get would involve trade-offs, the question became quite obvious. If we were not excited about what we were buying, why anchor ourselves to it long term?
Buying a house is not just a financial decision. It ties you to a location, shapes your day-to-day, and limits how easily you can pivot. That level of permanence can be valuable, but only if you are confident about the life you are building around it. Right now, we are not.
Over the past few years, my life has changed in many ways. I have moved countries, shifted roles, and rethought what I want my day to look like. That has made things less predictable, but also more intentional. Flexibility has become something I value, and protecting it matters more than locking it away inside four walls I was never excited about in the first place.
The money works harder elsewhere — and so does the life
There was also a calculation we kept avoiding. The deposit sitting in a low-cost index fund over the same period has historically outperformed average UK property appreciation, without the maintenance costs, service charges, or illiquidity. A mortgage is leverage on a single, fixed, non-diversified asset you also happen to live in. That is a strange way to build wealth when you are not emotionally sold on the asset itself.
But the more interesting realization was not about returns. It was about what that capital buys when it stays liquid. The trips you can take. The risks you can afford. The ability to move toward something better without first selling something you never loved.
There is also a form of wealth that does not appear in property valuations. Experiences do not fit inside a repayment schedule. Memories compound differently, not in a spreadsheet, but in the person you are gradually becoming. That sounds abstract until you price what you would have had to give up to make the numbers work.
We ran those numbers too. And when you add up what we would have traded, the flexibility, the options, the life still unwritten, the most expensive thing we could have done was buy.
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