A day in the life of a 20-something-year-old in New York City doesn’t always look the way it does in the movies — living alone in a perfectly decorated apartment, meeting friends for dinner after a long day, and never stressing about money.
For me, it looks like helping my 6-year-old niece with her science fair project or taking her to a dance recital. Because after I graduated from college in 2020 — while most of my friends were spreading their wings and embracing independence — I moved in with my older sister and her daughter.
At the time, I was working on my master’s degree and didn’t have a steady job, so it seemed like a practical decision.
Now, six years later, I’m still living with them, and it’s completely changed my perception of growing up.
The living situation has been financially beneficial, but I can’t help but feel behind in life
Originally, moving in with family felt like the most realistic choice for me. And to be honest, even though I loved the idea of being independent, I didn’t feel financially or mentally prepared to be fully on my own.
However, I didn’t want to live with my mom again. I love her, but I knew that returning to a stricter household dynamic would have been difficult after having so much freedom in college.
So, sharing a roof with my sister felt like the perfect compromise: a sense of stability without feeling like I had to shrink back into a younger version of myself.
During a time when the world still felt chaotic and uncertain, my living situation became one of the few constants in my life. I could focus on grad school and still feel like I had some semblance of freedom.
Plus, I built up my savings so that I could pay down my student loans without having to cover things like rent and utilities.
In some ways, my situation felt like an extension of college. I wasn’t completely on my own, but I also wasn’t under the same circumstances I had grown up with.
Unfortunately, though, as the years passed, that feeling changed.
I’m grateful to my sister for welcoming me into her home, but I can also admit that sometimes I still feel behind others my age. I compare myself to friends who are living a version of adulthood that looks more independent than mine does.
Along with feeling stagnant, there are also practical challenges of living with other people.
Overall, my sister and I get along, but it’s tricky sharing a home when we’re at different stages in life. She’s a wife and mother managing a household, whereas I’m still figuring out adulthood.
Our routines and responsibilities differ, which can lead to some clashes between us. For example, I’m not an early riser, but unfortunately, since my sister likes to go to the gym at 5 a.m., I start my day at the same time in case my niece wakes up.
Living with a child also means I can be a free babysitter whenever my sister is stuck at work. Although I don’t mind being flexible, it can be frustrating sometimes, especially when I have to cancel plans with my friends.
Additionally, my niece, full of energy, loves to burst into my bedroom without knocking — either to show me a new toy of hers or simply to spend time together. Although it’s something I usually love, and has now become a running joke between us, it’s made me realize how much I miss having a space to call my own.
I’d still like to have my own place one day, but watching my niece grow up makes this chapter worth it
Overall, living with my niece has also been one of the most unexpected gifts of this point in my life.
I get to watch her grow up in real time. I’ve helped with homework, after-school pick-ups, dance recital prep, and even her first science fair. I’ve seen her become her own person and have witnessed her world expand in such a meaningful way.
I feel like being around her has changed my sense of time. It reminds me that life moves fast, and the mundane moments I sometimes rush through are the ones shaping her memories.
As I’ve gotten older and busier, I’ve wanted more time to myself. But I also know that being present for her, even in ordinary ways, is something I’ll probably appreciate even more later.
I’d still love to have my own place someday soon — I crave the quiet and the freedom to create a space that better reflects who I am. But for now, I’m at peace with my current situation, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
Spending this time with my sister and niece has shown me that adulthood won’t always show up the way I expected. This may not be the postgrad life I imagined, but it’s taught me something: no one’s truly ever behind.
I may not be where my friends are in life, but I’m going at my own pace. Every step is a step forward, no matter how small it may seem.
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