We’ve been living with my parents in a multigenerational home in Australia since March, when they came home from traveling, and it’s been a rollercoaster with plenty of ups and downs. But it’s one I wouldn’t trade. My sassy 3-year-old is the youngest member of our household; the oldest is my 81-year-old dad.
From the outset, my parents set some ground rules to help avoid conflict and ensure things ran smoothly. These included specific requests, like not slamming the front door or opening the fridge a million times a day.
We’ve also organically figured out some unspoken rules that have contributed to the peace in our house. Adhering to these is the secret to making a multigenerational living arrangement work.
We’ve all learned to knock before entering, without being asked
When we lived alone as a family of five, our kids had no clue about privacy. So what if Mum or Dad is on the toilet? That never stopped them from busting in to chat about their day’s woes or to grab a hairbrush.
However, living with Nana and Pop, the kids have quickly had to learn how to be considerate of other people’s space and privacy. That includes knocking before entering a room and not snooping through Nana and Pop’s drawers or belongings.
Being mindful of noise helps keep the peace
With three generations living under one roof, our home is a hive of activity during the day. At any given time, our seven-year-old will be practicing cartwheels across the lounge floor, our 11-year-old will be loudly playing in the garden, and our 3-year-old will be watching Bluey on television.
But come 8 pm, the whirlwind subsides, and our family of five moves downstairs to give my parents some peace. They’re 77 and 81, and while they’re still a ball of fun, they get tired by the end of the day.
They don’t undermine us when it comes to our kids
I was wondering whether issues would arise around boundaries and discipline, but it’s worked out fine. There’s an unspoken understanding that my folks won’t undermine my husband or me when we discipline our kids. We have the final say, and if it’s bedtime or we tell them to adjust their attitude, my folks don’t interfere.
Likewise, if there is certain etiquette at the dinner table that my parents expect to be followed, we try to ensure the kids understand and respect those rules. This mutual respect between the generations makes for a content, happy household.
We all keep shared areas tidy
Keeping communal areas clean and tidy is a mission, I won’t lie. With three kids zooming around, there’s inevitably a pile of Barbies, books, and dirty socks at the top of the stairs each night that have to be carried downstairs to our area of the house and put away.
We have made it a habit to clean up immediately after using the kitchen, so that my folks don’t end up having to do it if my husband and I get sidetracked with work or the children.
We share (most) groceries and replace what we finish
Living with two other adults has really helped ease the mental load of running a house, in my opinion. If one of us uses the last drop of milk or eats the last piece of bread, there’s an unspoken understanding that that person replaces it. We never made this a household rule, but it’s just ended up that way.
We don’t segregate food in the fridge or pantry, and share most groceries. However, there are certain items in the kitchen that we kind of understand are off limits. I would never plow through Dad’s favorite ice cream or Mum’s beloved red wine, for example.
Living with my folks again at the age of 41 wasn’t something I ever saw happening, but it’s been surprisingly smooth sailing. By adhering to the ground rules, both spoken and unspoken, we’re making it work and having a lot of fun along the way.
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