This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Pamela Hopkins, a 67-year-old retired realtor who lives with her husband and 36-year-old son. The essay, which also incorporates quotes from emails between Hopkins and Business Insider, has been edited for length and clarity.
My husband Jon and I have been married since 1987. Jon had a long and varied career in film and television; I was a teacher and later a realtor.
This month, we mark the one-year anniversary of our move from Long Island, New York, to a three-bedroom, two-bath apartment in Connecticut — and our first year living in a so-called multi-generational household.
We have two children, a 33-year-old daughter who recently returned to Long Island from Florida, and a 36-year-old son who divorced a couple of years ago and now lives with us full time. He has two children, ages 8 and 5, and he and his ex-wife split custody.
This multigenerational household — and apartment life — was not what we, as a retired couple, set out to do or intentionally planned. But life changed our expectations, and here we are.
This isn’t the life we planned
Jon and I had always planned to retire, downsize, and move closer to my son and his ex-wife so we could be involved and available to help with the grandkids. We just thought it might be on Long Island.
The plan was to purchase a small, manageable home in the area with cash. But we unexpectedly lost our retirement investment funds — we’re in litigation over it.
So my son’s divorce, along with the loss of the cash we needed to buy a home, has led us to an apartment rather than a private house — and to our son as a roommate rather than a visitor.
We ended up selling our big five-bedroom, two-bath house to a lovely couple — they’re also living in a multigenerational household, with their baby and grandparents residing there as well. We used the proceeds from the sale to pay off debt, including my master’s student loans, move into our apartment, and invest the rest — we needed to jump-start our retirement funds after losing our assets.
We didn’t want to downsize, but now we’re loving it
Moving into an apartment has been the best decision we’ve made in many years. It gives us a manageable space to maintain, plus amenities we enjoy, including a pool, a gym, and park-like grounds.
Our apartment is 1,200 square feet and new. We have two bathrooms — a must with a son and two young children. My daughter visits often, too. You’d think we’d feel crowded or uncomfortable, but we don’t. The layout is open, bright, and larger than many typical three-bedroom, one-bath homes we might have purchased in this area.
The rent isn’t cheap by national standards, but it’s about a quarter of what we spent on Long Island maintaining that huge house and the Long Island lifestyle.
Our son works remotely as a mortgage banker and is also enrolled in college, so we’re supporting the household here because he’s going to school and is also responsible for child support payments. We aren’t rolling in the dough, as they say — we’re definitely on a fixed income — but we’re able. Our needs are simple at this point, and our desires are even fewer.
Overall, we really like our apartment and the lifestyle it gives us, especially since the burdens and responsibilities of homeownership are many and expensive.
‘It takes a village’
My son and I were having a conversation a little while ago about how Americans think multigenerational living is new and unique, but the rest of the world has lived this way forever.
I think it’s become more common in the US for several reasons. One, people are more financially stretched than in previous years, whether because of life changes — health issues, divorce — or something else.
My husband is very much a traditional New England man, so the concept of, “What do you mean your kid is living with you? He should be on his own” is still in his head. I guess our first reaction was, “Oh my God, this is not the way it should be.” But now, a year into it, that’s changed.
Now that we all live together, we definitely play an important, hands-on role in our grandchildren’s lives. They’re here with us every single day, so our days are busy but fulfilling. Caring for the kids really gives us a lot of purpose now that we’re retired.
Everyone in my family has a big personality. But we are all getting along as we embark on this new life together. Some days are easier than others. But at the end of each day, I’m grateful for this opportunity and the life we are building together as a team.
It takes a village, and we are the village.
Read the full article here
