I didn’t expect my kids getting older to make me think so much about my parents.
When my kids were little, my wife and I were consumed by the immediate demands of parenting. There were diapers to change, lunches to pack, and sleepless nights to survive. The vast majority of my attention was focused forward on helping my kids grow up.
But now my daughter and son are on the cusp of turning 12 and 10, respectively, and they’ve become more independent and are beginning to develop lives of their own.
As a result, I’ve found myself paying more attention to the other end of my family spectrum. While my kids are growing older, so are my parents. And living hundreds of miles away has made that reality feel impossible to ignore.
I notice changes I never used to notice
My wife and I moved from Calgary to Nelson, British Columbia, in 2017. The decision was a big one, and while it gave our family a lifestyle we love, it also put seven hours of highway between us and our parents.
Because we don’t see them every week or even every month, our time together has become more precious. When I was younger, aging seemed gradual, something everyone experienced, but far off in the distance. But now, since we only see my parents a few times a year, the changes they are going through have become more noticeable.
They are still healthy and active, but I find myself paying attention to their aging in a way I never did before. They have a little more gray hair. They walk a little slower up the stairs. Each visit reminds me that time is moving forward, whether I’m ready for it or not.
Watching my kids grow makes time feel more tangible
Parenting constantly reminds you how quickly life changes.
I see it in my own house every day. My daughter is becoming a young woman (she already rolls her eyes at every lame dad joke I make). My son spends more time with his friends than he does following me around the house like he used to.
To be honest, it makes me sad. The stages I once thought would last forever are coming to a close almost overnight. But watching that happen with my kids has changed how I see my parents.
For years, my parents seemed fixed in my mind. They were simply Mom and Dad. The people who picked me up from soccer practice, taught me how to drive, and helped us buy our first house.
Now, I realize they aren’t frozen in those roles. They’re getting older, and their lives are changing too. Somehow, it took becoming a parent myself to fully understand that.
Parenting has made me more grateful
As my wife and I navigate the challenges of raising kids, I have a greater appreciation for what my parents did for my brothers and me.
I’ve also developed a better understanding of the sacrifices they made. All the worry and stress I caused them. The patience and selflessness they displayed over the years. The way they were always there for me, time after time.
And as I watch my children slowly need me less, I realize my parents have been experiencing their own version of that process for years. The older my kids get, the more aware I become that life isn’t moving in a single direction. It’s happening on both ends at once.
My children are becoming more independent. My parents are getting older. And I’m standing somewhere in the middle, trying not to take either for granted. It’s a strange place to be. But it’s made me more present and appreciative for this one, beautiful chance at life we get.
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