Three years after my dad passed away, my mom made a decision that changed all our lives: She was going to sell her home and move in with my husband and me.
She was almost 70 and was fully capable of living on her own — she just didn’t want to anymore. Her decision wasn’t driven by a financial or health crisis but by loneliness.
On top of that, the house she lived in needed significant repairs, and maintaining both the home and its expansive property had become overwhelming for her.
The quiet privacy she and my dad once loved no longer felt comforting, either. With no neighbors in sight and an increasing presence of coyotes and other wildlife, what had once felt peaceful had become isolating and, at times, downright scary.
We were very open to living with my mom, but our rental wasn’t ideal for three adults. So, we agreed on a plan: She would purchase a house for all of us to live in, while my husband and I would pay for the renovations, utilities, maintenance, repairs, and yard work.
What followed was a whirlwind: a quick home sale, an eight-week house hunt, and ultimately the creation of a multigenerational home that has worked better than any of us imagined.
After lots of searching, we found a split-level house that could work for our needs
My mom temporarily moved into the property my husband and I were renting nearby while we searched for a house that would give all of us the space and privacy we wanted.
Our hunt for a home with an existing in-law suite or a space we could easily convert into one lasted about eight weeks, but felt much longer. Eventually, we settled on the perfect split-level house.
With a few adjustments, the lower level would offer the perfect setup for my mom while keeping us all under one roof. Unlike her previous house, this one had air conditioning, a washer and dryer, and a large sunroom where she could relax with her cats.
Once we all moved in, my husband transformed the lower level into what my mom affectionately calls her “apartment.”
He installed a door separating our living spaces, painted the dark wood paneling the cheerful yellow she selected, built custom shelves for her books and collectibles, and added a kitchenette with a refrigerator so she can cook her own meals if she chooses.
Over thep past 2 years, living together has gone better than we imagined
The three of us have lived together for almost two years, and the arrangement has gone surprisingly smoothly.
Above all, I’ve learned that successful multigenerational living requires respecting one another’s independence.
Before we moved in together, I imagined family dinners around the table every evening, or on the deck overlooking the backyard. Although I still plan meals and cook for all of us most evenings, my mom often prefers eating alone in her apartment. And that’s OK.
Our grandchildren understand this, too. When they visit, they knock on the door separating our living spaces and wait for a response before entering. They enjoy spending time with “Downstairs Grandma” and her six cats, but they also understand that her space belongs to her.
There have been practical benefits to this arrangement as well. My husband and I no longer pay rent, and Mom doesn’t need to worry about upkeeping a house and property.
People often assume multigenerational living occurs because of a financial crisis or an aging parent’s medical needs. In our case, it started with a parent who simply didn’t want to live in isolation.
Perhaps the greatest benefit isn’t financial or practical at all. When my dad died, I was left wishing there had been more time, more conversations, and more ordinary moments.
If mom passes before I do, I hopefully won’t have those same regrets.
None of us knows how much time we have together, but living under one roof has given us more of it — more everyday conversations, more opportunities for my grandchildren to know their great-grandmother, and more ordinary moments that may otherwise have been missed.
Multigenerational living isn’t the right choice for every family. But for us, it has been a thoughtful decision built on connection, practicality, and the desire to be intentional about the people who matter most.
Read the full article here
