When I first started dating my husband, we were both professionals in our late 20s, with no kids, plants, or pets anchoring us to our apartments.
I spent weekends and holidays cramming in as much travel as I could afford, from trips to visit college friends to solo jaunts abroad. During the same period, though, my husband only really left town once for a college reunion.
I quickly recognized that he didn’t care to get away as often as I did, so I sought out ways to quench my own wanderlust.
In those early years of dating, I visited places like San Diego, Italy, Germany, Arizona, and New York — without him. At first, it felt strange, since travel was always something I did with my previous significant others.
But soon, I realized traveling alone was exactly what made our relationship so strong.
We tried vacationing together, but quickly realized we had different travel styles
The few times my husband and I went on trips together, we’d typically end up arguing over our different travel styles.
I, for example, love a road trip, and like to prioritize spontaneous stops along the way. My husband is the opposite — he views the destination as the goal, and wants to get there as quickly as possible.
When we used to travel together, I’d take on the role of planner and felt tremendous responsibility for my husband’s enjoyment. Instead of relaxing, I’d spend the trip wondering if he was enjoying himself.
Now, though, I get to focus on what makes me happy. And when I’m back home, we get to reconnect in ways that we both enjoy.
We realized we’re both happier pursuing our separate passions
One of my favorite things about our relationship is that we’ve each held onto the things that make us happy as individuals.
For me, that’s travel. For my husband, however, it’s golf. He’s been in a weekly men’s league for almost a decade, and plays in the rain, hail, and snow.
Shortly after we got married, a family member referred to me as a “golf widow.” At first, I didn’t understand the negative connotation. To me, the hours he spent golfing allowed me time to catch up on my to-do list.
It also gave me the opportunity to pursue the things I’m interested in. For example, in 2018, I decided to take classes to become a certified sommelier, which has taken me to places like Michigan, Idaho, and France.
By maintaining our separate hobbies, we’ve ensured that we never force each other to compromise on the things we love.
Traveling separately has made things easier for us at home, too
What started as a practical solution has led to unexpected benefits at home.
For example, when we first merged our finances, I was worried that combined travel would strain our budget. However, vacationing alone has actually made things more affordable, since I only have to pay for one flight instead of two.
Plus, since one of us is always home, we don’t need to worry about shelling out money for pet sitters or babysitters. Because of this, travel has never been a source of financial tension between us.
It also ensures I get to come home to a clean house. After returning from family trips, I used to dread getting my life back in order.
Getting caught up on emails was time-consuming enough, but then I had to shop for groceries, unpack the suitcases, and put everything back in its proper place.
I often felt like I needed an extra day off to take care of household chores before returning to work.
Now, though, I get the gift of empty hampers and a full fridge. Providing a grocery list to someone who buys the groceries and puts them away is something Instacart could never replace.
As the saying goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. I’ve found that the time apart allows for richer communication when we reunite — and for greater appreciation for my husband as he takes on household tasks while I’m away.
Although traveling together may be preferred for many couples, it’s not the standard in my marriage. My husband and I are in a season of life where our relationship is healthy and fulfilling, despite our separate trips.
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