I didn’t expect to start my adult life so young, but that’s where I found myself when my parents kicked me out of their home at 17.
I learned how cruel life can be, living in a homeless shelter for a year. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and understood that the only one I could turn to for help was myself.
I dropped out of high school and worked three jobs to survive. At one of those jobs, I met someone and started dating her while I was living in the homeless shelter.
We got married three months after meeting and moved into an apartment together. It felt good to be free, but my responsibilities were just starting.
I have always been the primary financial provider and support system
My first wife and I had three children, along with all the expenses and responsibilities that come with kids.
I got my CDL and was able to get a job driving semis, which allowed me to support my family.
I then started a business that became successful and grew quickly. With each year, I made more money and took on more responsibility as a father, husband, and friend.
Even after our relationship ended and we divorced, I remained the primary provider for my family.
As I made more money, more people in my life depended on me
I was the one family and friends could turn to for financial support since my businesses were doing well. I was asked for loans, gifts, and to help pay others’ bills.
I was the one person family and friends turned to for leadership, mentorship, and guidance since I had overcome so much in life. I was always there — the steady one.
For years, life continued this way with me being the one everyone depended on, and it started to wear on me.
In my late 30s, I started to become emotionally tired. I felt trapped.
At 45, I’m now physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted with the weight of it all. The pressure of always having to be there for others has nearly broken me.
Therapy has helped me
Thank goodness for therapy. Seeing therapists over the past five years has taught me to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Thankfully, I also have a few people in my life who see what I’m dealing with and help bring some peace into my life. There are a few people who don’t demand anything of me, and that I can turn to.
Even though I’m exhausted, therapy and good people have been a relief and counterweight to the constant pressure of being the one everyone turns to.
I’m taking a season to be selfish and take better care of myself
As a man and a leader, I feel the responsibility to be the strong one and always be available for anyone in my life who may need me, but that’s going to shift.
The pressure has nearly broken me. I’ve come to see I need a season of my life where I’m selfish by prioritizing myself and my needs, and letting everyone else figure it out.
Therapy has helped me see that what may look like a strong person on the outside doesn’t speak to what’s happening inside. I need to keep working on my inside becoming stronger.
This season of me means I’ll be less available, not provide financial support as freely, respond to calls and messages intentionally, and not be the first person everyone in my life turns to.
And it will be OK.
After 27 years of being the one everyone depends on, I have to take better care of myself, and that’s what I’m going to do.
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