When my wife and I moved from Calgary to Nelson, British Columbia, in 2017, we had a vision for the kind of childhood we wanted our kids to have.
We wanted them to ride their bikes around town, walk to school on their own, and spend their afternoons outdoors instead of indoors. But most of all, we wanted them to have a level of freedom and independence that feels increasingly uncommon in our modern world.
At the time, these ideas seemed like no-brainers. However, I didn’t anticipate how challenging they would be to put into practice.
Now that my daughter is almost 12 and my son is nearly 10, they’re doing many of the things we hoped they would do. They’re spending more time outdoors with friends, navigating our neighborhood on their own, and building lives that don’t revolve entirely around my wife and me planning their every move.
But in doing so, I’ve realized that giving kids more independence is much harder for parents than it is for the kids themselves.
My kids were ready before I was
My kids rarely hesitate to venture farther from home than I think they should. They’ll make plans with friends, walk or bike across town, or head to the skatepark for the afternoon with a confidence that often exceeds my own comfort level.
Meanwhile, I’m mentally running through worst-case scenarios. What if they fall off their bike? What if they get lost? What if something happens and I’m not there?
The funny thing is that most of those fears have very little to do with my kids’ actual abilities. I know they’re capable, responsible, and increasingly aware of their surroundings. It’s my own fears and anxiety that make me want to keep them home where they’re safe and sound.
Fortunately, I’ve grown to learn that a big part of parenting older children isn’t teaching them independence, it’s learning how to step back enough for it to develop and giving them space to grow.
Living in a small town changed the equation
I don’t know if this process would have unfolded the same way had we stayed in Calgary, which is a major city of nearly 2 million people.
Nelson is a small town where people know each other. There are fewer major roads, fewer crowds, and more opportunities for kids to move through the community on their own. That environment has made it easier for my wife and me to loosen the reins.
But it has also removed some of our excuses. When your kid wants to bike to a friend’s house that’s only a few blocks away, it’s harder to justify saying no. When most of their classmates are walking or riding around on their own, you start questioning whether your concerns are about safety or simply your own discomfort.
As they’re getting older and more mature, Nelson has pushed me to trust not only my kids, but also the community around them.
Letting go is its own parenting skill
As my kids become more independent, I’m learning that some of the most essential parenting work happens when you gradually remove yourself from the center of your child’s world.
Not completely, of course. My kids still need guidance, boundaries, support, and unconditional love. But they don’t need me hovering over their every decision or solving every problem before it appears.
What they need is space to fail, learn, and grow on their own. That’s what builds confidence, resilience, and independence in a world where these essential qualities are diminishing in younger generations.
As parents, all we need is the courage to give it to them.
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