This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Althea Smith, 62, who is raising her 14-year-old grandson and, until very recently, was caring for her mother. Smith, who lives in Stockton, California, works full-time and has raised her grandson for the past three years. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I don’t have any recollection of my father, who was killed in the Vietnam War when I was 3. I was not raised by my mom, who recently died, though she was around. I was raised by my grandmother, whom we called “Big Mama.” She was in a wheelchair, but she was a strong woman of faith with great family values.
I had my first child two months before I turned 16. I moved out when I was 17 with my ex-husband, with whom I had two children. I didn’t really know how to be a parent because I never had a strong male figure in my life. That marriage didn’t last long.
My first real job was as a security guard at Apple
Apple was a small campus at the time. I worked my way up to being a supervisor, but I got fired because I was late for work sometimes. I was also dealing with a drug addiction.
I moved in with my mom for the first time at around 20 years old after separating from my husband. It was me, my children, my siblings, my mom, and her boyfriend for a short period of time. After two years, I moved out and got my own place.
I tried to reestablish myself
I remarried, though we divorced as well, and had my youngest son. I started working as a cashier at a store in the VA and worked my way up to an administrative assistant role, all without a high school diploma.
Because I saw many nursing assistants at the VA, I decided I wanted to help care for people, so I went to school at night and earned my medical assistant certification. I’ve worked in the medical field for the last 27 years.
My life started to turn around
I found roller skating as a hobby and started dating someone new. I got to travel all over and meet so many friends through roller skating, which I actively did until 2019, when I fell and needed a hip replacement. I also took up running down the line.
I purchased my first home in 2009. I continued to work two jobs and have always been a go-getter. I’ve never had anyone else to rely on except myself.
My daughter started experiencing mental health issues in 2020
I began to care for her and her son, who is now 14.
In 2023, I had hip surgery, and while I was in recovery, my daughter entered a program for two months, and I started caring for my grandson full-time. My daughter’s mental health declined further, and I contacted CPS.
I became my grandson’s foster parent
I had to take foster parent classes, get a permit, and take time off from work to get through all the hoops. My grandson was under so much emotional stress. It’s been a challenging time for both of us.
I’ve helped to give my grandson stability and structure in life. I’m trying to be a better grandma with my grandson, correcting some of the mistakes I made with my kids. I’m instilling love, courage, resilience, respect, responsibility, and honesty.
I got guardianship of him in February 2025. Raising him has been different from raising my kids. The world is so different. There’s social media now, and so many outside influences. I’ve had to relax my expectations for him, and that’s hard for me.
I was also a part-time caretaker for my aging mom
My mother asked me to start going to doctor’s appointments with her to help her understand what was being explained to her about her medical conditions. Then she had cataract surgery on both eyes, so I became more involved with her care. She started to lean on me for all of her medical needs.
Her health started to gradually decline as her kidney disease progressed about two years ago. In March, she had a mini-stroke. These last four months have been an emotional roller coaster. It’s been a weird feeling because my mom never cared for me, but I’ve cared for her for eight years.
She died earlier this month. I’ve been grieving, and it’s been really difficult, but I still have to care for my grandson. Life doesn’t stop.
I’m trying to improve myself
I’ve started taking short trips to get myself out of the house. The first one was with my grandson for a birthday trip to Universal Studios in Los Angeles. I went to New York alone to celebrate my 60th birthday. This year, I took my grandson to Las Vegas and took a weekend getaway to Monterey for my birthday.
I went back to school in March to earn my high school diploma and completed it remotely. I also obtained my AA degree.
I think about my future all the time
I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and my life won’t always be this way. I’m looking into buying another home and renting out my current one because it’s too big for the two of us.
I plan to retire from my current job at the end of this year. I want to become an adult support worker for aging seniors, so I can go into their homes and help.
I hope that by the time I’m 65, I’ll get to travel more often. I want to see the world and take a cruise. I miss being able to go wherever I want. I know, though, that my grandson will be 18 in four years, and then I’ll be able to think more about myself.
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