As I drove through Iceland’s dramatic landscape alone this past June, listening to Bon Iver’s “Holocene,” I started to cry.
I was crying in sheer awe at my surroundings and the lyrics of a favorite song, one about a man pondering his significance. Most of all, though, I was crying because I was proud of myself.
I had faced a fear of mine head-on, and it brought me to an emotional, yet blissful moment that I’ll never forget.
Taking my first solo trip showed me that what I perceived as a threat wasn’t really one after all — and it gave me the confidence to continue traveling alone.
After years of my anxiety holding me back, I planned a solo trip
To rewind a bit, I’ve always been an anxious person, but it really manifested in my mid-20s when I started listening to true-crime podcasts.
Huge mistake. I know too much now about what horrific acts people are capable of. My mind would conjure scenarios in which something I’d just listened to could happen to me or a loved one.
This started to impact my life in different ways — if my boyfriend was on a work trip, I was scared to leave our apartment. When my mom moved into her new home, and we didn’t have an alarm system set up, I insisted I couldn’t stay the night there.
Anxiety had a tight grip on me at home, so the thought of solo traveling by myself? Absolutely not.
Then, last January, I found myself freshly laid off, about to turn 30 in six months, with a long list of places I wanted to travel to that year.
I’m not sure what changed in me — maybe it was hitting a milestone age — but after many internal battles, I decided I’d visit at least one of them solo.
I settled on Iceland, which is regarded as one of the safest countries in the world. This made following through on my decision a bit easier.
I also told everyone — my family, friends, even my esthetician— about my travel plans because the more people who knew, the harder it would be for me to back out.
Then, I rented a campervan for three days, with a plan to explore Iceland’s Ring Road.
This trip didn’t entirely change me, but it gave me the confidence to keep solo traveling
No, I didn’t return from Iceland as an entirely different person, nor did I have a transformative “Eat, Pray, Love” experience that changed the fabric of who I am.
Rather, I found that seemingly small experiences on my trip helped me build confidence and overcome so much of the anxiety I’d been struggling with.
I was able to go on my first hike alone and actually enjoy myself. I drove in Iceland’s notoriously high winds solo, staying calm as they shook my van.
Even just being able to sleep (soundly, I might add) in my van at campsites — something I wouldn’t have imagined happening a few years ago — made me feel stronger.
Facing my fears head-on may have even rewired my brain a bit.
After that three-day adventure, I booked another solo trip to Annecy, France, later that summer. I’m still looking forward to going on even more adventures by myself.
Is my anxiety still there? Definitely. However, taking that trip did help me deal with it in a healthier way.
Above all, facing this fear taught me that seeing what’s on the other side of my worries might actually lead me to some of life’s best experiences.
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