I love to travel, but I rarely take solo trips because it’s hard to be away from my family.
I miss my children when we are apart, but the practicalities of packing lunches and shuffling kids to school and soccer practice are a bigger hurdle than homesickness. I like to think that everyone in my family needs me. However, my youngest son, aged 11, is still in elementary school and relies on me to make his lunches and get him to and from school. I am always particularly worried about how he will get by without his Mom when I am away.
Despite my initial hesitation, I recently took a trip to Greenland to mark a milestone birthday. The trip was a dream for me, full of glacier hiking and exploring a remote part of the world that’s not yet overrun with tourists. I planned to be away for 10 days, which seemed like an eternity, but I decided to do it anyway.
I planned ahead so things at home would run smoothly
To prepare my family for my absence, I left detailed notes about everyone’s daily schedule. I baked lasagnas, created a meal plan, shopped for ingredients, and pre-made a handful of packed lunches. I called in favors to make sure my son had rides to and from school every day, and left my husband the names and phone numbers of the parents who agreed to pitch in to help with childcare and shuttle our son around while I was gone. Just getting everything in order was exhausting and took hours.
It turns out I didn’t need to worry.
My son started being more independent while I was away
About midway through my trip, I called my family to check in. “You should probably tell Mom what I’ve been doing, Dad,” I heard my son whisper.
It took some prodding, but I discovered that while I was gone, my husband started sending my 11-year-old to school on the public bus, and that my son had started making his own lunch. Once, when a friend got stuck at work and couldn’t pick him up as planned, he took the bus home too.
When I expressed concern about this abrupt change, my son insisted that he was a big boy and could handle it. He hadn’t been late to school once, and he hadn’t gone hungry. I was unsure about all of these changes, but I wasn’t there to stop them.
When I returned, I assumed things would return to normal. My son insisted on taking the bus, although he said he “wouldn’t mind” if I kept making his lunch. I agreed to keep packing lunches and even enjoy showing him love in this way, knowing that he is growing up very quickly. Nevertheless, he now often wakes before me and packs his own lunches anyway.
I still worry, and make sure my son can stay in touch when he’s out in the big, wide world alone. He has a phone he can use to check the bus schedule and maps, and to text me when he arrives at school or gets on the bus to come home. Although giving my son so much independence so quickly wasn’t the plan, he rose to the challenge and is thriving.
My son’s newfound independence is better for both of us
Since I’m no longer driving my son to and from school and packing lunches every morning, I’ve added about an hour and a half to my day. Giving up this time with my son has been bittersweet, but time has shown that we are both ready for the change.
Getting out the door in the morning used to be the most stressful part of my day, and I’ve enjoyed the slower pace. I use the extra time I have to myself to start exercising more and planning healthier meals. I’ve managed to see friends more, too, for morning walks or lunch dates. I’ve been wanting to do all of these things for a while, but I hadn’t managed to fit them in between work, household, and childcare responsibilities.
I’m not sure what the next leap in independence will be for my son. However, this experience shows he’s been ready for more responsibility before I was ready to give it to him. And I was ready for it, too.
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