I homeschool my 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son, so we spend most of the day together. Our mornings start with hugs, kisses, and breakfast conversations, but the affection rarely stops there.
At the beginning of each school day, we review the rules: raise your hand to be called on, and do not leave your seat without permission. I also remind them: “Mommy is not here. My name is Teacher Toye while class is in session.”
Within 15 minutes, I hear, “Mommy, can I have a snack?” When I remind my son to call me Teacher Toye, he asks, “Mommy, why can’t we call you Mommy?” as though I have not explained it several times.
My daughter will stop in the middle of reciting her multiplication facts and ask for a hug. My son will leave an assignment, find me on the couch, and climb on top of me because he “just needs a hug.” Most of the time, I give in. When I say, “no or not right now,” I wonder whether I am rejecting them or damaging them emotionally.
I wonder if homeschooling my kids is making them too dependent on me
After my daughter learned how to write a formal letter, I asked her to complete one independently. She barely started before asking for a hug. Because it was hug number four that morning, I told her no.
“Teachers are not allowed to hug students,” I said.
She started crying, so I took off my teacher badge, swooped in, and gave her a warm mommy squeeze.
I sometimes worry that homeschooling my children is making them more dependent on me.
At their previous school, they spent eight hours a day without these emotional outbursts.
Part of me feels like they are taking advantage of the fact that their teacher is also their mother. I worry that giving in to every request for affection could create an unhealthy dependency.
When I should be teaching, I am sometimes spending 10 minutes rubbing backs and kissing cheeks.
When I taught in public school, I saw students scream, throw tantrums, threaten teachers, or curse when they did not get their way. Those situations influenced my decision to homeschool.
Protecting my kids from emotional outbursts does not teach them how to manage their own
I’m helping them explain what they are feeling and why.
I ask, “What happened?” or “What do you need right now?” This lets me acknowledge their feelings without giving them whatever they request. It also helps me decide whether they need affection, reassurance, or a break.
When my daughter says, “Mommy, I’m sad. That’s why I need a hug,” I offer options.
“What would help you most right now? A two-minute brain break, drawing a rainbow, or sitting quietly?”
Sometimes she still chooses the hug. Other times, she realizes that she is frustrated, bored, or tired — rather than sad.
We also recite affirmations inspired by our daily scripture reading. I remind them that they can do hard things, calm themselves down, and try again.
I encourage them to work independently and support each other
When one child gets a minor scrape, the other becomes the school nurse, washing the wound and adding a bandage while I observe. They still bicker, but they are beginning to see one another as a source of help.
I am learning that emotional regulation does not mean denying children comfort. It means teaching them that comfort can come in different forms and that they can find some of it within themselves.
I am still trying to find the line between comforting them and rescuing them.
For now, Teacher Toye is working on holding that line. Mommy still steps in when necessary.
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