A few months ago, I was standing in the kitchen talking to one of my kids. Within 90 seconds, my other three kids and husband meandered in and started asking me more questions.
All at once, I had five voices hurling questions and requests at me. One wanted a ride to an extracurricular activity. Another asked when their dentist appointment was. Someone else was hungry.
I’d had enough.
We were all fed up with communication issues, last-minute requests and reminders, and overall disorganization. That’s when it dawned on me that we needed to have a sit-down, weekly family meeting.
For some, I’m sure this sounds too formal and constricting. However, before our weekly family meetings, we were always scrambling and rushing to get someone where they needed to be with everything they needed, like sports gear or snacks. Now, those stresses don’t exist. It has been a life-altering change for us.
These days, we meet every Saturday for about an hour (or as long as it takes) to discuss schedules, plans, requests, chores, and anything else that needs addressing. Here’s what we prioritize at our meetings.
Syncing schedules is our main goal
The No. 1 reason we started having family meetings was to discuss our plans for the coming week. Each family member has an electronic or paper planner that they bring to the meeting.
When we gather, each family member takes time to share what they have on tap for the upcoming week. This includes appointments, sports practices, games, meetings, and any social events that occur outside of school or working hours.
Each person is responsible for recording what’s shared to their own planner to prevent any “I didn’t know that was happening today!” moments. My husband and I are also able to determine right then and there who’s-taking-whom-where-and-when, as everyone presents their activities.
This is also a time to make special requests
We have two teens, a preteen, and a fourth kiddo who is almost a tween. When we have our family meeting, they each get a turn to share what they need for the upcoming week and ask permission for anything else they’d like to do, such as attend a social event, like a swimming party or movie night. When we negotiate rides, we also agree on pickup and drop-off times.
Sometimes they use this time to request that we grab a certain snack from the grocery store for them to share with friends, or if they need more of a particular school supply. We’re then able to immediately add that item, virtually, to our online shopping cart so we don’t forget about it.
This is when our kids get their allowance
Once a month, at our family meeting, we give the kids their allowance. We usually do this at our first meeting of the month, and it is up to them to make sure the money lasts the next few weeks.
This time also allows us to address any questions or requests they have at that moment, such as asking what they’re responsible for paying versus us.
They also might”pay up” for anything they owe another person, such as when a sibling loans them money or when someone might take on someone else’s chores in exchange for a few dollars.
We also have check-ins and make announcements
At our meeting, each person also gets time to share how they are doing, what they are looking forward to, and what they need help with.
For my kids, this often means talking about academics, such as any areas of struggle that may require some tutoring support. Each can also share any announcements they have that pertain to the group. I shared my new teaching job with my kids at our last meeting.
The meetings have taught my kids how to negotiate
Our meetings often operate as a “suggestion box” for our crew. For example, we recently brought home a new dog, and we were struggling to name him. We passed around a paper at this meeting, allowing each person to write down the top three dog names they wanted considered. (I am sad to report that we have yet to name the dog, but we are trying!)
This is also the time when the kids may bring up a struggle they’re having within the household, which often has to do with chores or rules. We are able to discuss these issues as a family and make adjustments as needed.
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