This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with 45-year-old Alison Brewerton, Founder of Mama Strength Pilates. It has been edited for length and clarity.
In 2016, I found out I was pregnant. At the time, I was near London with my boyfriend in an apartment I had bought in my name.
Life felt perfect. I thought I’d be getting married and living a happily settled life with my little family of three.
A year after my daughter was born, the dynamic between her dad and me started to shift. I told him to pack up his bags and move out, grateful the apartment was in my name.
But as a working single mom, I quickly realized I needed more help.
I couldn’t afford childcare
When we were together, I was the primary breadwinner, so my daughter’s dad would have her, so we didn’t have to pay for childcare every day of the week. With him gone, I knew I couldn’t afford childcare full-time as I was now paying the mortgage and bills on my own.
Financially, things got very tight.
Fortunately, my parents said they would help out. They lived about an hour and a half away from me and would drive up multiple times a week to watch her so I could teach Pilates and dance. Sometimes, my mom would stay over to reduce the number of journeys.
I’d considered renting out my apartment and moving outside the city for a more affordable living arrangement. My parents generously offered that we move in with them to alleviate financial pressures and the childcare juggle.
I moved in with my parents
I found friends to rent my apartment in 2019, and we took my parents up on their offer, moving into their house, where my daughter and I shared a room.
Not long after, the pandemic hit, and I was so grateful to be with my parents, where we had a garden, company, and more space.
During the years we lived with my parents, we all grew closer as a family. My parents became second parents to my daughter. She adores them and gets so excited to see them. Without much contact from her dad, I’m eternally grateful that they’ve stepped up to be dependable, consistent adults in her life.
When living with them, I was able to take on last-minute work, confident that my parents would love having her. It enabled me to build my business and get extra money.
Since my parents didn’t charge me rent, I was able to save up and relieve the financial stress of being a single parent.
This setup wouldn’t have worked as well had my parents not been the kind, patient, generous people they are.
I had to adjust to their routines
That being said, I did have to adjust to their routines. They are creatures of habit, and I’ve tried to be respectful of the meal times they chose and what they eat.
Sometimes, I felt myself reverting to simply being their daughter. When they’ve offered to take care of me, I’ve welcomed it.
As a single mom, I wouldn’t have had much of a social life had it not been for being with my parents. They’ve been so kind as to take care of my daughter, allowing me to occasionally do what I love — see friends and go dancing in the city.
After two years of living with them, I had saved enough money and paid off enough debts to put a down payment on another house closer to my parents. I felt it was time to give them back their space so they could properly enjoy retirement.
But I didn’t want to go as far as I’d lived before — I’d grown too used to their company and support for my daughter and me.
If I could go back in time, I would do the exact same, because living with them for those two years was precious for all of us
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