When I was 14 years old, I began 9th grade at a top-ranked Catholic girls’ school — a move that would shape the course of my life. I was able to do so because my grandfather and mother had tucked money into savings accounts designated for my education every month since my birth.
It was this same discipline and care that led my mother to open a Roth IRA for me in my early 20s. Again, she dutifully and generously made a monthly deposit. At the time, I was in grad school and living in Brooklyn. Sometimes my partner and I had to put off grocery shopping for a week until her paycheck came in. I regularly overdrew my bank account.
The idea of saving for retirement felt absurd. I didn’t even have a job to retire from. I never would’ve guessed that account would change the course of a life — only not mine.
My son struggled with school
My son loved his elementary school, but by the time he was in fifth grade, we had reached a breaking point with the academics. Every night, to complete his math homework, I would pull out a whiteboard and re-teach whatever concept they had covered in class that day before we even began the worksheet.
It was an exhausting ritual that led to slammed doors, shouting, and lots of tears. Eventually, we were able to get him an evaluation and a diagnosis of dyslexia and other learning disabilities.
Clearly, my son needed a different educational environment — one capable of meeting his needs. New York has a number of fantastic specialized schools for kids with learning disabilities, but, like all that glitters in this city, they come at a hefty price tag. Even after an extremely generous financial aid package, we were still on the hook for $30,000 a year.
My wife and I are on solid ground financially, long past our broke Brooklyn days. But we didn’t have that much to spare.
We debated moving for his education
There is help for families in our situation. Because children are legally entitled to a free, appropriate public education and because city schools often lack the resources to provide the services they need, parents can sue the city for tuition at private schools. But the process isn’t without risk. You may not win your case. And the money arrives as reimbursement months or even years after you’ve already paid the tuition. All this to say, we had to come up with $30,000 for my son to start 6th grade.
We consulted with a lawyer and weighed our options. We could move to the suburbs, where special education services are more robust. We could take out a loan. We could max out multiple credit cards. But our hearts were in the city. And the idea of paying interest on this debt for years to come was daunting. Because when the money came in, it would go toward the following year’s tuition, not to pay back what we owed.
I cashed out my retirement to pay for school
Then I remembered the Roth IRA, which had been converted into another type of account at some point. It had about $60,000 in it. Enough for two years’ tuition, by which point we hoped to have the funds to pay for the later years.
My mom, who has always been better with finances than me, was understanding when I explained our plan. “You have to do what’s best for your child,” she said.
So I cashed out the entire account and set it into a separate checking account earmarked for my son’s education. We started making monthly payments to the school that spring, and in the fall, he began sixth grade. There’s a picture of us standing on the corner on his first day. He wanted to walk into his first day of middle school on his own.
All the parents we had spoken to who had kids in similar schools used the phrase “night and day” to explain the transition, and it turned out to be no different for us. That first week, my son came home, grabbed a snack, and completed all of his homework independently for the first time in his life.
He’s in the 10th grade now, preparing for his first international school trip and thinking about college. And he’s flourishing, with both good grades and a strong group of friends.
The reimbursement process has been a roller coaster for us, with wins and losses, and we have accumulated more debt along the way.
I may end up working longer than I’d like, or living very simply after I retire, but I will never regret cashing in my retirement to help my son find his way.
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