This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Katie Bullon of activ Marketing Franchise. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Before I got pregnant with my firstborn, I was working in the corporate world as a marketing manager. It was an intense job that I absolutely loved, both as a single person and then as a newly married one. I got to travel the world, quickly advance in my career, and diversify my skill set, but I could only do the job because I didn’t yet have kids.
I knew once I started a family, I wouldn’t want to continue working in the corporate world full time. I never wanted to be in a position where I had to choose between taking care of my kids and doing my job, so I initially decided to go back to my role part time, thinking that would be a happy medium.
But after keeping in touch day, a reintroduction to work after maternity leave, when my son was 7 months old, it became clear I couldn’t even manage the part time role. To do the job well, to the high standard I expected of myself, I had to give it my everything.
I quit my job to be a freelancer
I remember finishing the keeping in touch day, crying in my boss’s office, telling her I just couldn’t come back. The day had been a reminder of my old life — the life of a young, free, travelling corporate marketer. It was a life I knew I couldn’t maintain with a baby in tow, and I mourned the end of my life as a corporate professional.
I quit my job and, after months of deliberation and dreaming, decided to go freelance — I was really excited. Surely, I thought, I would strike a healthy balance of parenting and working if I worked for myself.
The plan would be to devote all my attention to my son when he was awake, and pull out my laptop to work while he slept.
But the reality of being self-employed as a new mom was not what I had imagined.
I was exhausted
I was running on empty all the time, exhausted from sleepless nights. I didn’t know what I was doing with parenting, as I had never done it before, and often felt I was doing it all wrong. I adored my son even more than I had imagined I would, and not being with him while I worked constantly pulled at my heartstrings.
It was from this state that I then tried to work, attempting to be at clients’ full-time disposal. Even though I knew about marketing, I didn’t fully take into account the amount of work or the number of non-billable hours I’d be working as a self-employed individual. As opposed to working for a corporate company, I was the sole person responsible for every aspect of the business. It was all on me.
Not keen on putting my son in a day care to save us a bit of money, I tried to build the business with him around most of the time, save for a few hours a week when my mom or sister would have him.
I was on a hamster wheel from the moment I woke up, becoming more and more exhausted as I tried to work as if I didn’t have a child, and parent as if I didn’t have a job.
The standards I set for myself as a mother and business owner were unachievable, and I could feel myself starting to burn out as I attempted to do it all.
I had more kids
Only 20 months after my first son was born, I gave birth to my second son, and I continued trying to balance my own business with parenting, this time with a toddler and newborn in tow.
My second didn’t ever take a bottle, so I frequently sat with him breastfeeding on one side with my laptop set up on the other. I was absolutely determined to do it all, and do it all perfectly.
I suppose part of me wanted to prove people wrong, to show them that I could be a completely present mother while also being an incredibly successful self-starter.
My mental health crashed. My physical health deteriorated. My relationship with my husband was rocky. I was exhausted all the time and felt like I had hit rock bottom.
It wasn’t what I had expected freelancing to be like, and it most certainly wasn’t what I wanted motherhood to be like.
While self-employment might seem like the “easier than corporate path” for new mothers, it wasn’t — not for me.
Something had to change, so I went back to the drawing board, considering what I could do differently, and joined a marketing franchise. It allowed me to continue doing what I loved, marketing, but I had the back office and a team of people behind me to carry out all the work that had overwhelmed me when I was working on my own.
If I could go back in time and give myself advice, I would say: You can’t do it all, nor should you.
As a mom, I can’t put myself last. I must build my life in a way that prioritizes me; otherwise, I’ll burn out repeatedly, which is detrimental to ume, my family, and my work.
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