In the weeks that followed high school graduation, I recall the collective panic among some of my girl friends already worrying that their time was running out — since in their mind, the timer just started.
They officially began counting the months they had remaining to complete enough internships to qualify for an entry-level position at a company that could prepare them to be accomplished in their career by the time they’re ready to have children with the husband they’d successfully met and dated long enough to marry, buy a home and begin a family with.
That was not me.
I feel behind
Even as a teenager, I had understood that 30 was the new 20 and that none of the graduates who’d walked that stage before me looked any better positioned to grow up than I did. But now, as I quickly age out of Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating pool, I’m feeling more behind than ever before.
I mean, Gisele Bundchen had reached the absolute peak of her modeling career at 25, Blake Lively was already Serena van der Woodsen by her mid 20s and — to escape examples limited to Leo’s romantic interests — if I were Valentina Tereshkova, I would be preparing to be shot into outer space right now.
Instead, I don’t know anybody my age nearing the purchase of a house. In fact, I know very few people in their 30s who managed to acquire real estate, let alone get married and have children. And I think that’s why growing up is suddenly so terrifying. Not because in order to grow up, we must buy houses, get married and have children — people should be free to reject traditional milestones, but that’s different from an entire generation feeling like they’re simply out of reach.
I feel like my generation can’t reach adulthood milestones
When culture shifted from defining success by a photo of the nuclear family led by a 26-year-old patriarch, what made it empowering was imagining what could replace it: teaching English abroad, spending afternoons painting, pursuing poetry, collecting degrees like Pokemon, dating before settling down for somebody good enough, discovering your wildest dreams before putting them on the back burner for 18 years.
We don’t get to reach the milestones that have long measured adulthood. I suppose I’m not afraid of growing up, but rather of growing older before I’ve had the chance to experience the version of adulthood we expected.
“The 30s are the new 20s,” sounds empowering. And in some ways, it is. But the female reproductive system doesn’t slow down to allow more time to save and our retirement savings doesn’t compound based on the number of months my apartment building gives us before raising our rent.
When people say that, I see the beautiful ways it is true, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s also become a way of rationalizing a world and economy that has pushed adulthood further and further out of reach.
Nearing 26 years old, I’ve built a career I’m proud of as a travel writer and journalist. I go to exotic places, stay at luxury hotels, get to live with my boyfriend in different cities and have achieved many of the goals I once dreamt of. Yet I still find myself wondering how people my age are supposed to make it to the next stage of life. Friends with good jobs are delaying marriage, homeownership and children simply because they can’t make the numbers work to meet such milestones.
When I was younger, I imagined fearing wrinkles and needing a tummy tuck, but now I’m afraid of growing older before I’ve had the chance to experience the version of adulthood we were promised.
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