As parents, there are some lessons we don’t realize we need to teach our children. Not that they wouldn’t learn it regardless, but having the patience to walk them through experiences we take for granted — writing a check, telling analog time, being safe when walking alone — is a skill we as parents need to sharpen.
Grocery shopping is one of those important life skills that we don’t realize we need to prepare our children for.
I sent my kids to do the shopping
I realized that one day when my children — 12, 10, and 7 — asked me if they could wait in the car while I made a quick grocery store run. I was affronted that they would opt to sequester themselves even though waiting in the car is a rite of passage for us all. So, I assessed the situation quickly: we were at my local Asian market, I knew a lot of the people in there, it was small, we’d been there many times, and they were older than I was when I did this for the first time.
“Actually,” I said to them, “I’ll wait in the car, and you grab the stuff on this list.”
“What?” my two eldest said, rather excitedly. “Let’s go,” my youngest said, reaching to open the door.
“Not you,” I said to him. “You wait in the car with me.” This life skillset could wait. Why inflict a 7-year-old boy upon his sisters in a grocery store? The chances of them losing him were rather high.
My daughters sat hunched over, perusing their grocery list. They asked clarifying questions — how many, which aisle, what brand. I was impressed already.
As they hopped out of the car and I reminded them to take bags, I realized they were giddy with excitement, not overcome with foreboding. By the time they came back out, they were vibrating, clamoring to talk over each other about their experience.
They found excitement in the independence
They talked about this experience for a long time — with friends, grandparents, really anyone who would listen to how they just went to the grocery store for the first time by themselves.
I listened to many iterations of their story and tried to see it through their eyes. It was exciting. A mundane check–off on my weekly responsibilities, this was a defining, critical moment in their young lives, one they would talk about with their own children.
Think about it: the first time your parents trust you to run an errand by yourself. That feeling of being out in the world on your own, with no supervision nearby. It’s a total jubilee. I wrapped it in responsibility, but making work fun is sometimes difficult. The fact that they cottoned on to that all by themselves was magic.
Since then, they’ve begged to do my quick grocery store runs for me, and I let them. I’m happy to whip out a book or my laptop while I wait in the car. Over a year later, and it still hasn’t gotten old.
This singular experience has resulted in more confidence
To say I’m thrilled about this is an understatement. One of my daughters is quiet, reserved, shy, and introverted. She’s the most comfortable in her own world, where others are not welcome, and silence is encouraged. After this one experience, I saw a boost of confidence in both girls. They were not only more comfortable ordering for themselves when we went out to eat, but they now had their own banter and conversations with waiters and felt free to ask to go out with friends after school.
To see this kind of positive change in them made me realize how important the more mundane aspects of our lives are.
There were still things to be learned
They’ve handled money before, but always under my guidance. When I sent them into the store, their biggest struggle was not navigating the aisles, selecting produce, or interacting with people; it was cash.
“Mommy, we were so awkward!” they said when they stormed the car at the end. They didn’t check the prices of anything (why would they? They never had to before). Change was an issue — they didn’t know where to put it. And after being checked out, they didn’t glance at their change but just walked out, bills flapping in their hands. We needed to work on some things, and we talked about the handling of money. More teaching to do.
This whole experience taught me that independence doesn’t always mean the lives our children cultivate outside of us. It’s about learning those small lessons that help them navigate the world confidently and independently.
Read the full article here
