Some years back, I overheard my then-toddler tell her dolls that she was sorry that she couldn’t talk because she was on a work call.
It was something I had said to her more than once before, and my heart sank. That moment stopped me in my tracks and shifted my perspective on parenting.
I decided that I didn’t want hustle culture or toxic productivity to be something that I passed down to her. I wanted my daughter to see success differently, which meant I needed to make some major changes.
My work ethic has always been strong
When you grow up in a Latin family like I did, or you’re an immigrant kid, you’re likely to see family members working around the clock. There’s a common saying that all immigrants have 12 jobs. That stereotype is not an understatement in my community.
I grew up understanding that rest is a privilege — for the rich. Working multiple jobs or around the clock is just something that you do to feed your family.
This immigrant work ethic helped me get far in my career in San Francisco’s tech and startup ecosystem, where hustle culture and things like the 996 work method are common, not to mention my millennial drive.
Toxic productivity took hold of me
While hustling may help you get ahead, it has a darker side. It can harm your relationships and mental and physical health. After a few years of working what seemed nonstop, I ended up with stomach problems, nighttime teeth grinding, crazy periods, and anxiety.
My self-worth was wrapped up in toxic productivity; it was the way I coped with the emotional ups and downs of life. I thought this was what being an American was all about.
Things got a bit better when I had my baby during the pandemic, but old habits die hard.
I am a consultant focusing on growing technology businesses and CPG brands, and juggle multiple clients at a time. When you are your own boss, work boundaries often go out the window. My daughter saw me work from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. most days. It was during those times I’d say, “Sorry, I can’t, I have a work call.”
Hustle sounds like hard work and raw ambition, but now I know it’s actually just a corporate status symbol that glamorises a lack of free time. It can mask insecurity, corporate or startup exploitation, or trauma, as I learned from Dr. Mariel Buqué, a Columbia University-trained psychologist when I interviewed her for my book about Latinas and hustle culture. For immigrants and BIPOC people, hustle is sometimes a necessity, and a way out of your social class.
I wanted something different for my daughter
Many people say hustle is needed to build a business, but there are plenty of startup CEOs and billionaire investors who prioritize family and wellness.
I wanted my daughter to avoid chronic anxiety, over-caffeinated, frantic days, perfectionism, and having her career tied to her self-worth. Her doll play showed me that I was modeling behavior that wasn’t healthy.
I introduced slower mornings, set boundaries for work, and took on fewer clients. Some hours of the day, I just can’t work, because my daughter needs me. I do recognize there is a lot of privilege in that.
My daughter, now 5, hopefully won’t need to hustle much because she will have an easier time in life than me. I hope her future self works hard and builds things or loves her career, but I want her to stop working at 5 p.m. and enjoy her family.
I still work hard, and love my job — and I’ll always have deadlines. But I know when to clock out, because now I have a little one who needs me more.
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