We were at an event for working moms — I bribed my four boys to be there with me, but to everyone else, my pristine children were in attendance out of the sheer goodness of their hearts. The team of women I managed at the time always gushed at my boys’ tiny vintage loafers, the color-coded outfits, and can-do helper attitude. And I let them. I let them think we lived a Christmas card life.
So when a pregnant young woman asked me how I did it all, I already knew how to answer.
I got this question a lot, and I was fairly certain all successful mothers have been asked the same thing. I knew this to be true because at the time, all you had to do was pick up a magazine or scroll to find a perfectly polished family Instagram post, and BAM, you’d be hit with a curated line or two about “finding balance.”
I lied to her
I fed this woman the same line, told her a story, and quite literally waved my hands fleetingly as if running a household of four young boys and managing a traveling spouse while working full time was no big deal. The fancy title, red soles on my heels, and matching J.Crew cashmere for my kids were my shield. It seemed to be working well.
But that night, I went home and looked around my house.
Were my kids happy? I assumed so. But I wasn’t sure. I never asked them. My husband and I high-fived for a brief moment before both returning to our computers. We had important things to do. A makeshift meal simmered on the stove behind me. I watched my oldest play baseball, striving for perfection at every pitch, emotional and angry when it didn’t go his way. I watched my second get lost in the shuffle. I watched my third grader struggle to read a simple “Cat in the Hat.” And my youngest, glued to a screen (it was Elmo, so I justified it).
I shook my head in disbelief, realizing that I had an opportunity to help that young mother. To tell her the truth. I had the opportunity to help another woman, and I chose not to. Shame on me.
As I looked at my kids that night, I knew I had to do it differently.
I didn’t know how to help my family
But the truth was, I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know how to help my family, be a good and present mom, and build a career I loved. Not to mention have a minute to eat protein, lift a weight once and a while, and sleep. I wanted to believe I could have it all, but I didn’t even know where to start.
But if my job, as their mother, was to teach them important things, then I had to teach myself first. So, I did. I took instinctual action. I left the fancy job and dug deep into who I was and what this world needed from me. I vowed to do it differently — not to help others from high on the perfect mountain top, but to help others by being real and honest, down in the valley with them.
That stranger changed my life
Looking back, that moment not only changed my career but also my parenting. Something clicked. I’m the only one they’ve got who can show them how it’s done. I don’t want them walking into the world believing that a mother, a wife, or a business partner should be frantic and tired, always striving to meet someone’s expectations. When they look at women, I want them to see their beauty, power, confidence, and joy.
That woman will never know that she changed my life. Six years later, I would be running a business rooted in helping high performers find their own versions of success. Every day, in every habit, I work to be a better human so I can be a better mother.
My four boys are along for the ride. They know every time I get the gig and every time I don’t. They help me prep for speeches while I help them with spelling tests. We run through my P&L while studying geometry. If we want them to work hard for their dreams, we have to do it for ourselves first. And my husband, he’s still here, playing a key role, as we grow alongside each other. On the outside, we are in the busiest season of our lives. On the inside, we have never been happier as a family.
Now, when I’m asked, “How do you do it all?” I lead with the truth, which usually leads to a story, which leads to more humanness.
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