When career coach Em Rezkalla made a TikTok suggesting people be “professionally mean” at work, it was viewed 2.8 million times.
“I’m going to say this once, and I’m going to say this with love: You need to be meaner at work this year because you, my friend, were way too nice and people pleasing in 2024,” Rezkalla said in the video, which she put out in January. “Don’t get me wrong, when I say mean, I mean assertive, direct, opinionated.”
She gave examples such as, if you want a colleague to change their behavior to improve their work or use their time more efficiently, tell them. Or if they’re doing something that is slowing you down or making your working life difficult, you ask them to stop.
“The definition that people use for mean at work, especially women, is not actually mean,” Rezkalla told Business Insider.
She told BI she learned what she calls “professional meanness” after being a “pushover” and learning “the hard way that that doesn’t make you successful.”
Rezkalla recommended practicing what you say when you want to set a clear boundary at work. She also suggested trying it first with a trusted coworker rather than a manager, “and then work your way up.”
If a colleague takes issue, you should ask them questions about what they don’t like.
Rezkalla said that asking questions invites more engagement than statements. Asking the person to explain why it bothers them can help you understand whether their frustrations reflect their own personal preferences for how people should act, she added.
Rezkalla said women in particular can question themselves when they become more assertive, which is why getting to the root of any problems is key.
She suggested questions like “Is this something you notice particularly with me as a pattern you don’t like?” and “Or do you feel like I’m taking over the meeting? “
“Try to take it as a conversation with a human and not necessarily as something affecting your ego,” Rezkalla said.
Some viewers agreed with Rezkalla’s advice, saying that the moment they started being “meaner,” they were promoted more frequently.
In her video, she said that when you start laying out your boundaries and standing up for yourself more, some people will think you’re being difficult.
Others, however, thought it could damage your career.
Rezkalla told BI her advice is subjective and won’t work for everyone.
She said people should still be “emotionally aware.”
“I try not to make people something that they’re not,” Rezkalla said. “You have to just take it and mold it in a way where you’re not changing who you are, but you’re elevating yourself to be more open to new opportunities through new methods.”
Rezkalla originally wanted to be a lawyer, so she studied political science and completed the LSAT. Then, she decided against the legal route and did a master’s degree in public and international affairs instead.
After that, she went into consulting and also worked in accounting, marketing, and policy writing for the Canadian government before becoming a career coach around four years ago.
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