About a year ago, a relative asked me to help manage her money. She had been paying a ~1% asset management fee with Goldman Sachs Asset Management (GSAM), even though she wasn’t their typical high-net-worth client. The account had been set up through her ex, but since she wanted a clean break, she was ready to move her money and asked for my guidance.
We scheduled a call—just like I do with consulting clients—to go over her financial situation, goals, and concerns. From there, we created an investment strategy designed to preserve her lifestyle and reduce the risk of running out of money. As an artist, finance was not something she really understood or ever got into.
Since she was also looking for a new brokerage, I recommended Fidelity, where I’ve had my accounts for over 20 years. I’m familiar with their platform, and with her permission, I’d be able to view her portfolio and make trades on her behalf.
By transferring her assets out of GSAM, she eliminated the 1% management fee and I rebuilt her IRA portfolios using low-cost ETFs with a similar asset allocation—saving her thousands a year in fees while maintaining long-term growth potential.
However, after about a year, I don’t want to manage money for anyone for free again. It’s nothing personal. I would just like more time and energy for my family.
Why I’d Like To Stop Managing Money or Free
We agreed on an asset allocation, and I built it out for her. For the second half of 2024 and into early 2025, everything went smoothly. Her portfolio steadily climbed to all-time highs, and I didn’t hear from her once. No problem. I felt proud to grow her wealth, especially since she doesn’t earn much active income. Her portfolio will be her main financial support in the future.
But in late March and early April 2025, her portfolio took a hit due to the trade wars, and I got a sudden text asking what was going on. I explained the situation and tried to calm her nerves. Then came the inevitable question: “What should we do now?”—a fair concern for anyone who has entrusted their money to someone else.
But now I was started to feel the pressure.
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To Some, Outperforming Is Not Enough
I reminded her of our game plan and emphasized the importance of staying the course. I also shared my outlook on why the markets would likely rebound. Given we had constructed a 60/40 portfolio, when the S&P 500 was down ~20% year-to-date on April 8, her portfolio was only down 8.8%. From my perspective, that was a win!
But from her perspective, I had still lost her money. And since she wasn’t a fan of the current administration, the situation felt even more frustrating to her.
It didn’t really matter that I highlighted her portfolio’s outperformance or the rationale behind a balanced allocation. She was disappointed—and that, in turn, chipped away at some of my emotional resilience.
It doesn’t feel good to help someone who is disappointed in your help.
Already Stressed With My Own Losses
At the time, I was already stressed about my own portfolio losses, which were approaching seven figures. I was buying the dip, watching values continue to fall, and doing my best to stay calm. But deep down, I felt look a damn fool for buying too early with my stable real estate sale proceeds.
Her stress added to mine, and I had to compartmentalize my own emotions to reassure her. It left me with less patience for my wife and kids, which was the biggest negative since I love them more than anything. And when I’m losing a lot of money, I admit I tend to have a shorter fuse.
During the bull market, I didn’t hear a word of acknowledgement. But as soon as things took a turn, I was met with concern and urgency. Again, totally understandable. However, I was cast in the role of an unpaid employee, bringing back the very feelings of underappreciation that pushed me to leave the traditional workforce.
If I’m expected to actively manage someone’s portfolio and provide emotional support and education during downturns, there needs to be clear compensation or boundaries. Otherwise, I’d rather preserve my energy for writing and taking care of the kiddos.
After being free from a day job since 2012, I probably have become overly sensitive to anything that reduces my sense of freedom and joy. As a result, I’m not cut out to be a money manager at this stage in my life.
The Problem With Double Fees
I was happy to help move my relative’s funds away from GSAM to reduce the double fees she was paying. She was being charged an asset management fee of about 1%, plus fund fees ranging from 0.8% to 1.6%—mostly on Goldman-managed funds.
Now, I’m not against hiring an asset manager if you genuinely don’t have the time, interest, or knowledge to manage your own money. Paying a professional to build a risk-appropriate portfolio is far better than sitting in cash and missing out on decades of compounding. A good manager can also serve as an emotional buffer—helping prevent panic selling during downturns and reckless speculation during bull markets.
But paying double fees—especially as your portfolio grows—adds up quickly. A $5,000 annual fee on a $500,000 portfolio is one thing. But paying $25,000 on a $2.5 million portfolio, plus another $12,500 to $40,000 in fund fees, starts to feel excessive.
She needed to move her money—and I was glad to help her do it.
Only Reason To Pay Double Fees
The only real justification for such fees is if the manager offers access to exclusive private investments with meaningful upside—say, a hot AI company likely to IPO at a much higher valuation in a year or two. But in this case, there was no such access.
I reviewed the historical performance of these funds, which was often difficult to find and intentionally opaque. But by simply comparing her portfolio value from a decade ago to when I started managing it, the compounded returns were clearly underwhelming. The double fees weren’t just costly—they were a drag on long-term performance.
Personally, I’m not interested in paying another 0.5%+ to own a repackaged basket of public stocks that attempts to beat an index.
In Defense of Getting Paid to Manage Money
Most DIY investors, myself included, aim to minimize fees. But after managing a relative’s portfolio for a year, I now get why financial professionals charge what they do—the emotional labor is real.
Managing money is relatively easy when markets are rising. It’s during downturns that things get difficult. And when you’re managing money for a family member, the emotional stakes are even higher. You don’t want to let them down.
Advisors aren’t just managing assets; they’re managing expectations, fears, and behaviors. For that reason alone, they deserve to be compensated.
That said, fees should be fair and transparent. A flat 1% management fee feels outdated. Something less—with a tiered structure that declines as assets grow—makes more sense.
The Three Main Benefits Of Hiring A Money Manager
The real value of hiring a money manager is peace of mind. Knowing someone is actively looking after your portfolio means you can focus on doing what you enjoy or excel at, without constantly worrying about market volatility or portfolio drift. Reducing the mental load is huge, especially for parents juggling work and childcare. During times of stress, it’s reassuring to know someone else is thinking about ways to protect your wealth.
The second big benefit is consistency. A good advisor helps you stay disciplined—investing regularly, staying diversified, and adjusting risk over time. Even as a committed DIY investor, I’ve had long stretches where I didn’t invest simply because life got in the way.
The third benefit is accountability. A trusted advisor can act as a financial coach, helping you follow through on your goals. It’s one thing to know what you should be doing—it’s another to actually do it. Regular check-ins and objective feedback can keep you on track, especially during major life transitions or periods of uncertainty.
A financial professional who helps with these three areas is well worth it. If you’re receiving proactive service and your portfolio is meeting expectations, great. But if not, it’s only rational to explore better options.
I’m Stuck Managing the Money—But Not My Emotions
I’m OK to help my relative create an investment plan. After all, it’s something I’ve done for others for over 15 years. I also love to save people money when there is a clear way to do so. But I also need to protect my time and mental well-being, which means learning to emotionally detach.
My long-term goal is to teach her how to manage her own money. The challenge is, she struggles with learning about finances. Ironically, this makes her the exact type of person who benefits most from having someone manage her money for her.
So while I’ll continue to oversee her portfolio, I’m adjusting both the investment strategy and my mindset to reduce stress. She’s on board with the new, slightly more conservative asset allocation, which falls within an appropriate range for her age and long-term financial goals.
Further, to help offset the emotional load of managing her portfolio for free, I remind myself she’s saving at least $20,000 a year thanks to me. That cushion gives both of us more resilience in down markets. So the next time a concerned message comes through, I’ll remind both of us just how much she’s saving.
Appreciation Goes A Long Way
If someone is managing your portfolio for free, don’t forget to show your appreciation. A simple thank-you note can go a long way.
And if you don’t have someone to manage your money for free, consider hiring a money manager at a reasonable price. The reduction in stress alone may be well worth the cost.
Readers, do any of you manage a friend or relative’s money for free? If so, how have you structured that arrangement—and how do you handle the stress when they’re anxious about market volatility, especially while your own portfolio is also taking a hit?
Free Financial Analysis Offer
If you have over $100,000 in investable assets—whether in savings, taxable accounts, 401(k)s, or IRAs—you can get a free financial check-up from an Empower financial professional by signing up here. It’s a no-obligation way to have a seasoned expert, who builds and analyzes portfolios for a living, review your finances.
A fresh set of eyes could uncover hidden fees, inefficient allocations, or opportunities to optimize—giving you greater clarity and confidence in your financial plan.
I’ve been using Empower’s free financial tools and speaking with their financial professionals since 2012. From 2013 to 2015, I also consulted part-time at their offices when they were still called Personal Capital. As both a longtime user and affiliate partner, I’m genuinely pleased with the value they’ve consistently delivered over the years.
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