There was a time I thought I’d spend the rest of my life in New York.
After more than a decade in Manhattan, the streets felt like my own, and my identity felt entwined with the city.
Even after having two babies on the Upper West Side, I was constantly plotting and planning on how we could make this lifestyle work long-term.
And then, my husband and I stumbled upon our dream home in a distant Connecticut suburb.
I was four months postpartum with my second son, and with two kids, I was no longer able to get the stroller down the three sets of stairs to get out of our building myself.
Though I loved that my routine included walks in Central Park and my oldest had learned to ride a scooter along the Hudson River, I couldn’t deny the appeal of a real backyard and a kitchen with an adult-sized fridge.
There were days when I swore I could feel the walls of our 750-square-foot apartment caving in, but could we really make the move to the ‘burbs?
We both worked full time — I as a journalist, and my husband in finance. Even though our jobs only required us to be in the office two or three times a week, the distance was still daunting, and commutes would be at least an hour each way.
Plus, what would it mean to remove ourselves from the city’s vibrant energy? Would we lose ourselves?
Still a little unsure, we decided it was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up. On my second son’s first day of day care, I dropped him off with teary eyes, and we drove an hour north to close on a four-bedroom home.
Our move gave us more than just extra square footage
We gained more than three times the physical space of our apartment in the move, but the real gain was the mental space that opened up.
Our day-care bill was almost halved. My kids traded in Riverside Park for their own driveway and a quiet street where they learned to ride bikes.
I was no longer in a constant state of figuring out logistics or trying to find affordable ways for us to get out. We could invite people over to our house, we could barbecue in our backyard, we could even walk 20 minutes to the beach … for free.
Even though we offset our day-care savings with our new mortgage, life felt undeniably more accessible.
I felt myself start to breathe a little easier. I stopped constantly focusing on how to make more money and advance my career. For the first time in my adult life, everything we had was enough.
Still, the move hasn’t come without sacrifices
That same settled feeling that brought me peace in the suburbs also felt like a little bit of a loss.
There’s a sense of anticipation in every conversation I had with friends in New York — anticipation for a shoot to wrap, for the perfect apartment to appear, for a deal to close.
It is a feeling built on ambition, dreams, and the shared experience of sacrificing a little bit of life’s comforts to be a part of something bigger than yourself. That feeling lit me up when we were in the city, and connected me to my most creative self.
Leaving the city meant we could no longer catch a last-minute Broadway show or easily see the latest exhibit at the Met. We had to consider job opportunities in a whole new way, and as a journalist, that meant accepting that I couldn’t pursue certain roles that would require odd hours in the office anymore.
However, most of all, I have missed the sense of belonging I felt before the move.
On the Upper West Side, I had enjoyed a spirit of communal parenting with my neighbors. No matter the weather or time of year, we were always out at a museum or a playground, meeting up with other families.
When you live in such tiny spaces, your kids celebrate milestones at restaurants and rented spaces. You’re all in it together.
In the suburbs, once the temperatures dropped, I felt everyone around me burrow into their homes and didn’t see them again until spring. It’s hard to make new connections when families aren’t gathering at the beaches and playgrounds for large swaths of the year.
With more space came a greater distance from my peers, which made building a new community feel out of reach.
In the end, I’d still do it all over again
The energy of New York was the thing I loved most about it. It was also what exhausted me. Once we had kids, the life I wanted felt too far out of reach. The cost of living, too much.
With a move to the suburbs, our quality of life improved, and the air still feels more breathable.
The downsides are real — the commute is long, the proximity to our creative fields feels far, and I have struggled to find my community in a place that has felt more isolating than NYC.
However, the tradeoffs are just as real. With more space came more peace, more stability, and more financial opportunity.
We lost some things in the move, but we didn’t lose ourselves. And I like to think we brought a little bit of that New York spark with us.
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