When I was invited to a friend’s three-day wedding celebration in Colombia, I was ready to book my flights.
We’d met in high school over a decade ago, and although we weren’t as close as we once were because of time and distance, I felt like I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
As I looked into the logistics, I was more hesitant, but still on board. It’d cost me over $2,000 for flights from the Midwest to Colombia and back, plus hotel accommodations.
However, I changed my mind once she told me there would be no plus-ones for single guests, including myself. For me, this was a dealbreaker.
I didn’t want to drop thousands of dollars and travel over 10 hours each way just to spend three days by myself competing for the bride and groom’s attention among 179 other guests.
My friend had the right to set her rules, but I didn’t have to accept them
Although I might’ve still attended if this were a local wedding, I thought it was bonkers to ask someone to travel abroad alone.
I also felt it was unfair that other high-school acquaintances in relationships could take their partners abroad to this wedding, but I couldn’t bring a close friend.
However, speaking to etiquette coach Myka Meier helped give me some perspective.
“While it’s understandable to feel disappointed about not being offered a plus-one — especially when others were — it’s ultimately their decision,” Meier said, referencing the couple getting married.
Although the bride and groom weren’t in the wrong for limiting plus-ones on an event they were hosting, I was also valid for turning down their invitation.
“That said, etiquette goes both ways,” she added. “You’re never obligated to attend as a guest if the invitation doesn’t suit your comfort level.”
In the end, I think I made the best decision for myself
After analyzing the possible financial and time commitments once more, I officially turned down the invite.
I broke the news to the bride with love, and she couldn’t have been more understanding.
If I’d been able to bring a friend, I could’ve shifted my perspective on the destination wedding. Instead of preparing for a lonely solo obligation, the weekend abroad could’ve been a shared adventure.
After all, I have close friends who feel like a partner to me in every way except romance. If they’d joined me on the trip and at the wedding, we’d have looked just as happy as any couple from the outside.
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