- Some people are turning to “loyalty tests” to check if their partners are cheating.
- Companies are cashing in, connecting users to testers for a fee.
- Even when someone “passes,” a test can pose problems for couples.
It’s no secret: Dating in the digital age is hard.
Knowing when to change your Facebook relationship status or “soft launch” your relationship is stressful enough, but the internet has also made cheating easier than ever.
“The digital age has provided a million more ways to cheat or be deceptive or be disloyal in a relationship than in the past,” Landis Bejar, a wedding therapist and the founder of AisleTalk, told Business Insider.
Some lovers have turned to “loyalty tests” to see if their partners are faithful, tapping strangers to catch their significant others being disloyal by sending incriminating direct messages, hoping for an untoward reply. Now, companies like Lazo and Loyalty-Test are cashing in on the trend.
One woman who paid to test her partner told Business Insider she wished she had used the service sooner.
Helping others who get cheated on
A tester who goes by Ari on Loyalty-Test for privacy reasons but whose identity is known to BI said she first became familiar with the app as a customer.
“I was the one that wanted to test my partner,” she said. “He ended up passing by default. He didn’t respond.”
Ari said she appreciated the process and became interested in being a tester. So, she signed up.
“In the past, with relationships, I would get a lot of unfaithful partners, and I would have loved to have this sooner,” Ari said. “I definitely wanted to be the one to help people out.”
Now, Ari works as a hairstylist by day and performs between five and eight loyalty tests weekly. She sticks to digital tests and charges $55 for a day of testing.
“I’ve noticed people do fold very quickly,” she said. “It usually happens within the first day.”
Ari said she starts her work with clients by asking what they think of as a pass or fail to ensure they agree.
“Usually, I’ll explain the process that I’m going to do, and if they have specific things they want me to say, then I go by what they want me to say,” she said.
Some of her clients are in committed relationships and suspect cheating when they hire her. Others are about to take a step with someone, like becoming exclusive or moving in together, and want to use a loyalty test to confirm they’re making the right decision.
Ari said it can be difficult when she has to tell clients their partners are failing a test, both because she feels empathy toward them and because she has been cheated on.
“The length that they would go to be sneaky, you know, it’s a little triggering sometimes,” she said.
‘Loyalty tests’ are on the rise
Videos about loyalty tests started going viral online around 2021, and they all followed a similar blueprint.
A “tester” messages someone’s partner on social media at their request and pretends to want to date them. If the person shows interest in the fake suitor, they fail the test. If they don’t, they pass.
As the trend became more popular, companies started offering anonymous tests for a fee.
Lazo began testing potential cheaters in January, Ashlyn Nakasu, the company’s community manager, told BI. Lazo’s team aims for the app to provide people unfettered access to the truth in a relationship.
Lazo has about 400 checkers that charge a range of fees, though they typically start at $40. For that fee, a tester will message your partner, pretending to be interested in them to see if they cross a boundary.
“You never know if you’re actually going to get the whole truth out of people,” Nakasu told BI, as many people don’t immediately confess if their partner accuses them of cheating.
“We wanted to offer a solution that was more affordable and less time-consuming,” Nakasu said, referring to hiring a private investigator. According to the job platform Bark, the average cost of a private investigator in the US is $85 per hour, and their services can range from digital investigation to trailing your partner.
Loyalty-Tests, launched in January 2023, offers digital and in-person tests for a fee set by the testers. As founder and CEO Brandan Balasingham told BI, testers sign up to work for the company on the app like Uber drivers. The company then sifts through applicants to see who would be a good tester before they get approved to take on clients.
Some testers charge as little as $10 for a digital test, but the in-person tests, in which a tester meets up with a potential cheater at a client’s direction, can cost upward of $500.
As of November 2024, Balasingham said Loyalty-Test averaged 10 to 20 customers daily.
Both Lazo and Loyalty-Tests said their clients are seeing real results.
Nakasu said 60% of Lazo users’ partners pass the loyalty tests. Balasingham said the latest data from Loyalty-Tests shows a discrepancy between the results of men and women being tested. About 60% of men fail, while around 30% of women do.
Establish trust early
Although loyalty tests have become popular, Bejar said they shouldn’t be the norm in a healthy relationship.
“There’s no relationship without trust,” Bejar said. “If we don’t have trust, we have to completely manage another person and oversee another person to ensure they’re going to do what they say they are. And that can’t work in a relationship.”
Dramatic acts like cheating can erode trust, but smaller “ruptures,” as Bejar calls them, like not doing something you said you would or telling white lies, can damage the bond between you and your partner just as easily.
In that sense, conducting a loyalty test against your partner can be a betrayal in the same way that cheating is. Whether someone passes a loyalty test or not, the relationship is likely in trouble if someone feels the need to conduct one.
Bejar does think there are some situations where a loyalty test could be helpful, though, particularly in an abusive relationship.
“If a loyalty test can break someone out of that kind of contrived reality that an abusive person has created for them, that by definition is really hard to get out of, then I think there’s a place for it,” Bejar said.
Still, if you want to use a loyalty test instead of organically building trust with your partner over time, Bejar said that’s likely a sign you need to reflect on why building trust seems hard. She added that you should set boundaries with your partner to ensure you agree on the definition of betrayal.
“Love can be blinding, and we can overlook things,” she said. “You need to know what a dealbreaker is to you so that if you are in love with somebody and they cross one of your boundaries, you can walk away even though it’s hard and sad.”
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