As a freelancer, I’m lucky to have a flexible schedule. But I’m faced with the pesky fact that if I don’t work, I don’t make any money, so that’s extra difficult during this time of year. I can’t afford to take an entire summer off to spend with my teenagers.
Before the summer break, I tried to figure out how to get my work done and also create memorable experiences for my teenagers. I wrote out a schedule, with blocks of time each day to do something fun with them. I planned to get up early before everyone else, so I could work without missing time with them.
It was all very ambitious and probably unrealistic.
But when I checked in with my kids, I realized they had made a lot of summer plans without me.
My teens no longer need me to have a great summer
On the first day of summer break, I asked everyone what they’d like to do that day. And I discovered they’d all made plans … without me.
They were hanging out with friends they didn’t get to see during the busy months of school. One was looking for a job. One was taking summer college classes and working. They had tickets to a sci-fi fan convention. I dropped my youngest off at the pool with her friends and realized it was the first time she had gone without an adult tagging along.
Some of the kids had summer camps and other planned activities, but I thought we’d still have lots of free time together. Instead, even when I did have time to spend with them, I had to make sure they weren’t already busy.
Our weeklong family road trip was extra special because we spent time together. But even then, the kids borrowed the car to go exploring without my husband and me.
My summers used to revolve around my kids
When they were little, I quit my job to stay home with them during the summer. I’d take them hiking, to the library, splashing in creeks, and — if I was splurging — to the zoo or museum. It was hard work getting them out and about. Sometimes it was lonely not being around other adults during the day.
But along with being hard work, I enjoyed the freedom of doing whatever I felt like that day. We could take off to the mountains, or go swimming, or make ice cream. I was trying to make special summers for them, but those summers were special for me, too.
Now, things are slowly shifting. I’m getting much more work done, but I’ve hardly been to the pool or the lake this summer. My kids have, though. They’re still making memories, but I’m not experiencing these memories with them as often.
I’m trying to enjoy this new change
My husband calls this the Golden Age of Parenting. The kids are still around, but they’re no longer in the exhausting stage where we need to be present every single moment. They don’t need me to entertain them or even drive them places anymore.
It’s the way things should be, and I’m happy our kids are more independent. I know this is a preview of what things will be like in a few years, when my husband and I are empty nesters. I’ll have more time for work. I’ll have time for nights out with my own friends. I can pick up hobbies that fell away when the kids consumed most of our time.
I also know I’m remembering all of the happy moments and forgetting the tantrums, carsickness, scraped knees (and, on one memorable outing, stitches).
I miss piling everyone into the car to head off on an adventure on an early summer morning. But I appreciate that now, we don’t do anything early on summer mornings if we can help it. We sleep in. Then, we all head off to savor our summer — sometimes together, but more often these days, independently of each other.
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