When I got divorced, my two children and I moved back to the house I owned before I was married, which we’d kept as a rental property.
At 800 square feet, the two-bedroom cottage is ideal for two people, but it’s a tight squeeze for three. My 13-year-old son got the smaller bedroom, while my 9-year-old daughter and I shared the larger one.
By the time my son was in high school and my daughter in middle school, they both desperately wanted their own space and more independence.
However, we live in Denver, one of the most expensive cities in the US. Upgrading to a bigger home wasn’t an option — and my son couldn’t afford his car and rent for his own place on the income from his part-time lifeguarding job.
So, he chose to move in with my 77-year-old mother during his senior year of high school.
Now, he’s got more independence without the burden of rent
At my mom’s house, my son has a spacious bedroom with a full bath in her finished basement, which includes a laundry, gym, and living room.
By living with his grandmother, he’s able to avoid paying rent (and save money) while still having the independence that comes with having his own space.
When he moved in, my mom laid out clear rules and expectations of what he needed to help with around the house.
So far, he’s been making dinner for her a few nights a week and helping with cleaning and other items on her to-do list. It’s been a great lesson in independence for him, and it’s been nice for my mom to have extra help around the house.
The move has also been beneficial to my relationship with my son. We set intentional boundaries that could bridge living at home and being 100% independent.
He doesn’t have to coordinate all of his plans with me anymore, but he’s also responsible for knowing what needs to be done with his schoolwork and housework and making it happen.
Now, he manages his schedule so he sees his friends plenty — and I’m no longer stressing about nagging him about homework and chores.
My son has also matured in a way that’s really surprised me
After a couple of months of this living arrangement, a new confidence emerged in my son’s personality and attitude.
As he got closer to graduation, he hit his stride with finishing school, working, saving money, and managing his household responsibilities.
Over several weeks, we were also able to have a lot of mature conversations about what he thought his future would look like.
Through high school, my son was unsure about attending college — he’d simply say he didn’t know what he’d major in and didn’t want to take out loans for tuition.
After a few months of his newfound independence, though, he was able to share his anxieties about college with me with more clarity and detail and less apathy.
Ultimately, he’s decided to attend an affordable local community college in the fall and transfer to a university next year. I’m pleasantly surprised by how he was able to make such an important, mature choice on his own.
All in all, this unconventional living situation has been great
Even though this living arrangement is unconventional, it’s been a game changer for all of us.
My son has gained so much independence. We’ve also improved our relationship, taking space as needed and coming together for meaningful conversations about his future.
And, of course, it’s been helpful for my mom on a practical level.
Based on this experience, I’d encourage parents to think outside the box when it comes to living arrangements that an older teen might benefit from.
My son has been thriving after having a taste of what it means to live on his own as an adult — and, at my house, my daughter is thrilled to finally have her own space to decorate.
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