Nearly four years ago, my spouse finished his time with the Army. He’d served 10 years and decided not to sign a new contract, even though it meant giving up a promotion.
Our two sons and I had already relocated, 1,200 miles away from where he had been stationed, to buy a home during the low-interest frenzy of the pandemic. He’s now years into his second career. We’ve been in our house for over three years, and we’ve immersed ourselves in the community.
We’re also happier than ever.
It was the right decision for us
There were learning curves and bumps along the way. Sometimes we still look back on his time in the Army with a sense of nostalgia, particularly when we receive a medical bill or consider what his pay rate would be by this point. However, as the cliché says, money can’t buy happiness, and there’s so much more we have received from life after he stepped away from his service.
While not everyone who serves enjoys their time in the Army, my husband truly enjoyed being a soldier. It was all the changes and hardships of the pandemic that soured the experience. I was home with two kids under 2 while he was staying at work for days on end, unable to leave trainees unattended; during that time, several people had been sent home to be with sick family members, and they were working with a limited roster.
Attempting to maintain my job and function postpartum while serving as the sole caregiver for our children was difficult for me, and my husband made a choice: he chose a job that would allow him to be more present with his family.
That’s not to say he didn’t have a hard time leaving the job he loved, but he loved his family more. Now, he comes home every day — and we know what time he’ll be here. The military had a fluctuating schedule, and we never knew if or when we’d see him, or if he’d be called in after hours.
Now, he gets more time with our family
In the civilian world, as a tractor and diesel mechanic, he does have shifts of being on-call, but they’re scheduled in advance, and he also gets extra pay. Every day, he comes home, and we get to have dinner as a family. During the summer, he coaches baseball and works with our sons on their batting and catching skills.
In contrast, after our youngest was born, there were some months he rarely saw him awake. If and when he did come home, it was to see sleeping babies while warming up a plate of food in the microwave.
We also gained a sense of stability when he left the military. There’s no threat of having to move or wondering when the rug will be pulled out from under us. We’re content to stay in the home we were lucky enough to buy when interest rates were low, and we live a simple life that does not include moving across the country every few years.
For me, it has meant the chance to establish real relationships with friends and in my career. No more moving and having to start over. And though my husband took a pay cut of about $15,000 — mostly in benefits, because we lost our free healthcare and basic housing allowance — he has already earned a few raises. It’s also a job he feels like he can continue to grow in, and he’s establishing his relationships with bosses and colleagues rather than worrying about jumping from unit to unit.
Though our kids were born in a military hospital, their dad left the Army when they were still little. They were young enough when we moved that they didn’t truly feel the instability of that time. We made that choice intentionally. They’ll grow up knowing their friends and the people they live around, and most importantly, their Dad gets to be a part of their lives.
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