When I traveled to a freelance writing conference in 2018, I was excited to network with other writers. But I was even more enthralled with the idea of shucking morning day care drop-offs, cooking dinner, washing dishes, and changing diapers for a few days.
This work trip was my first time away from my husband and my two young kids, who were 4 and 2 years old at the time. I learned a lot about writing, but the bigger lesson was that it’s OK to take a break from life and do something for myself.
The carefree feeling felt so good that I encouraged my husband to take his own solo trip, and now we do this at least twice a year.
Separate vacations allow us to pursue our interests
My husband, Don, and I have been married for 13 years. We both love to travel, but we don’t always enjoy visiting the same places or doing the same activities.
He’s a beach person; I’m a mountains girl. He loves being on the water (or in it), while I prefer to be near the water. He fishes and scuba dives — two things I have no interest in.
I could spend a whole day roaming around a new town looking at scenery and doing touristy things; Don will humor me, but it’s not his vibe.
When we travel together, we each compromise with the other on food and activities. This also means we might not get the full experience of the place we’re visiting. Taking separate vacations lets us control our own journeys without sacrifice. It also allows my husband to travel more, since he receives more paid time off than I do.
Time apart makes us appreciate each other more
Parenting can be physically and mentally exhausting. When Don and I travel together, our parental duties don’t disappear. But on a solo trip, the traveling parent gets to fully immerse themselves in the experience.
For my solo trips, I usually spend a weekend in the mountains writing, shopping, and sightseeing. Don goes on fishing trips with his dad in Florida a few times a year.
This was the biggest benefit that stood out to me at my writing conference. I only had to care for myself. I felt relaxed, focused, and less stressed. It was the break from routine I didn’t know I needed, and even though I was traveling for work, the effects felt like a vacation.
While I was gone, my husband handled 100% of the parenting. This included tasks he wasn’t used to doing alone, or at all. It gave him a new perspective on how our household runs. At one point, he mentioned he didn’t realize how much work was involved in our day-to-day lives and expressed his appreciation for all I do.
I had a similar experience when he visited his father for a week. While he was gone, I had to prepare for freezing temperatures and possible power outages. It was a challenge storm-prepping alone, and I was a bit fearful of the unknown.
Over the years, we’ve improved at flying solo for short periods. Most importantly, we’re happy to allow the other to enjoy an occasional break. We each use our time away to recharge and return with a fresh mindset, more energy, and a little more appreciation for the other and the role we each play in our family.
We also make time to travel as a family
While Don and I enjoy our solo travels, we also invest in two or three family vacations each year. It might be a week at the beach, a weekend in the mountains, or half of a week visiting somewhere we’ve never been. One thing we can all agree on is hiking.
Traveling together gives us time to bond as a family and make priceless memories, even if it means making concessions so everyone gets something out of the experience.
Marriage is give-and-take, and we’re both willing to give the other space and take on the full parental duties for a few days. It’s always been worth it.
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