Michelle Obama doesn’t believe in coddling kids.
During Wednesday’s episode of her and her brother’s “IMO” podcast, which featured guests Damon and Marlon Wayans, the former First Lady spoke about her experience raising her kids.
Obama said that even though she was strict with her daughters, she felt it was important for them to make their own mistakes.
“And I think nowadays a lot of parents are trying to live their kids’ lives for them so that they don’t make any mistakes and don’t feel any sense of failure, which keeps them from learning,” Obama told her cohost Craig Robinson and her two guests.
The “Becoming” author also spoke about how she wanted her daughters to make sound decisions on their own, meaning she had to stop overparenting them.
“It’s like, you know what, I raised you all to have some sense, to have judgment. And at some point, you’ve got to practice that, which means that I’ve got to let go,” Obama said.
She shares two daughters, Malia and Sasha Obama, with her husband, former US President Barack Obama.
She added that she tried to give her kids more rope before they went to college.
“And I think that the reverse happens now is that everybody’s trying to hold on to their kids. But one day they’re going to get out there, and the only thing that is for certain for kids getting out in the world, is they’re going to get hit with some failure,” Obama said.
To help kids handle failure, she says parents should start letting them make decisions early on.
“Choosing the knucklehead boyfriend and holding your tongue, and showing them that you trust them so that when they do fail, they’ll come back,” she said.
Obama’s comments come as more parents are rethinking how they raise their children.
In recent years, gentle parenting has been a big trend, especially among millennial parents. This parenting style frowns upon punitive methods while emphasizing respect and understanding of children’s emotions.
Similarly, permissive parenting involves not setting or enforcing many rules for kids. While this parenting style can foster a stronger bond between parents and their children, it may lead to kids having trouble with self-regulation.
In a personal essay for Business Insider, child psychologist Michele Borba wrote that parents can instill resilience in their kids by letting them fail.
She wrote that one way would be for parents to stop trying to fix their kids’ problems.
“Instead, step back and subscribe to a new parenting behavior: ‘Never do for your child what your child can do for themself,'” Borba wrote.
A representative for Obama did not immediately respond to a request for comment sent by Business Insider outside regular hours.
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