Standing in my apartment full of boxes, I had every intention of leaving California behind to continue my job hunt from my hometown in Michigan.
I’d hoped my search would take me somewhere new and more conducive to my writing, like New York, when one conversation with a guy I’d met through mutual friends completely changed my trajectory.
An attraction had been growing between us for months, and after he helped me pack my belongings, we talked about our feelings for each other, and he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend.
At 27 years old, I felt like the heroine of a rom-com, standing at a crossroads — choosing between the potential of finding an exciting career and falling in love, something I’d never experienced.
I chose the latter, agreed to be his girlfriend, and shifted my plans.
I was still moving back to Michigan, but I’d focus on applying for jobs in California. We agreed to date long-distance until I could come back and be with him.
Our relationship started off strong, but after a while, reality set in
Our first year and a half together was everything I’d hoped for in a relationship. We exchanged “I love yous,” kept up communication while I was in Michigan, and went on trips together.
Eight months later, I landed a full-time job I was excited about in California and moved back. It felt good to be with someone who loved me and made me laugh, and I was back among my friends in one of my favorite places.
But the honeymoon phase wore off, and the reality of being in a relationship that wasn’t quite right started to set in.
I’d always wondered about the “what if” moments in my life. “What if I’d gone to a different college? What if I’d chosen a different major?” Occasionally, I’d ask myself, “What if I’m not supposed to be with him?”
Guilt always followed that question, but I felt there was some truth to it as our communication broke down. As the months ticked on, it felt like we had less and less to talk about.
Our relationship slowly slipped into a cycle of fighting, making up, and being a happy couple.
After nearly three years together, the writing was on the wall. We weren’t the right fit for each other, and I know breaking up was the right decision for us.
Although I don’t regret going back to California, I still wonder if I made the right choice
Now, years after our breakup, I’ve changed jobs and moved to New York City.
I’ve had the chance to explore a whole new place, dive into my hobbies, make new friends, and reconnect with old ones. In many ways, I feel more fulfilled than ever.
Yet, now and again, the “what if” questions still pop up.
“What if I hadn’t started a relationship with him? What if I hadn’t moved back to California?” And the biggest one: “What if I had expanded my job search and landed an opportunity in New York years earlier?”
But I remind myself that I had the chance to learn what it’s really like to be in a long-term relationship and what attributes I want in a partner.
Although we didn’t have the happy ending I’d hoped for, I’m glad I took a risk because I got to experience falling and being in love with someone.
In my opinion, those things are all just as valuable as any job opportunity might’ve been.
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