I recently attended my first bride-free wedding. It was a celebration of two grooms: my nephew Rob, who is also one of my closest friends, and his husband, Pat, a sharp and politically astute guy who loves craft cocktails.
Like most weddings, this one was meticulously planned — from elegant floral arrangements to curated playlists designed to get everyone dancing.
But what struck me most wasn’t the flawless execution of the event. It was the fact that these two young men — who I love dearly — could celebrate their commitment so joyfully, so publicly, and so proudly.
I got to witness a right once denied
I came of age during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” era, when silence was a survival strategy. Marriage was a path available to most by default and off-limits to others by law. That context shaped my narrow view of love and marriage in ways I never fully acknowledged until I watched Rob and Pat say, “I do.”
During the ceremony, the couple exchanged vows filled with gratitude, humor, and unguarded emotion. They spoke about growing up in a world where their relationship might not be recognized, let alone legally sanctioned. Their words were full of joy, but they carried the weight of hard-won rights and long-awaited recognition.
Every vow stood as quiet resistance to a time not so long ago when such a ceremony would have been impossible, illegal, or hidden.
For guests like me — someone who’s long taken the right to marry for granted — it was a reminder that marriage is more than a routine step between “tie the knot” or “break up.” It’s a milestone, a right, and above all, a choice that everyone deserves to make. That Rob and Pat could make this choice speaks volumes about the advances made in just one generation.
They found their forever
As part of the ceremony, I had the honor of delivering a speech, which became a tribute with a wink to Rob and Pat’s shared love of Taylor Swift.
I said: “I could try to arrange words in a unique pattern to express my joy about Rob and Pat’s marriage, but as long as we’re living in a world where Taylor Swift already perfected all the poetic phrases, there’s no way I can compete. So, I’m going to borrow from her and say, when you meet someone who makes you think: Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close?’ It’s likely that there’s been an invisible string pulling you toward each other for quite some time, quietly weaving a tapestry that will serve as the foundation for your life together.
“Now, on this beautiful day as Rob and Pat prepare to take their vows, it’s clear that their answer to the questions: ‘Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close?’ is ‘Yes. Forever and Ever.'”
My voice caught in my throat as I read the lyrics that so aptly captured their relationship. The couple found their forever when they found each other.
They’re brave enough to live their truth
At its core, a wedding is more than a celebration or a cultural tradition. It’s a public acknowledgment of something deeply personal: the belief that life is better shared.
Rob and Pat’s wedding was a celebration of love, yes, but it was also a celebration of progress. Of visibility. Of hard-won rights that my generation could barely imagine, let alone enjoy.
I’ve been married for over 30 years, so I thought I had a pretty good grasp of what marriage means. But watching two people who were never guaranteed the right to marry pledge their lives to each other revealed something deeper: the arc does bend toward justice, but only because people are brave enough to live their truth.
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